


Saving Gavin Free

by Storybreather221



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - GTA, Fake AH Crew, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:10:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2081529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storybreather221/pseuds/Storybreather221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>We’re gonna rescue our damsel in distress, blow shit up, and make it home in time for bad TV and alcohol.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Capture

**Author's Note:**

> Been watching the AH boys for almost a year now and finally caved in to the urge to fic it. It's the first work I've written for the fandom (and if someone can think of a better title than what I've got, please, please share it) and the good part is I've already written at least half of it, so I can update weekly without huge month-long gaps in-between chapters! Hope you guys enjoy!

“Orders straight from Simeon. It’s time to hit the Crew.”

“AH? What does he want with those morons?”

“Ramsey is treading too close to Simeon’s territory. His gang swipes our vehicles and resources like we’re goddamn used car salesmen. If we don’t put them in their place now, they could become a problem.”

“You’re kidding, right? A threat, those guys? They once pulled a heist that wiped out two dozen civilians, a whole squadron of cops and almost got all of them killed! And for what? Eleven-hundred bucks from a fucking convenience store! Their team is volatile, they spend more time almost killing each other than they do their enemies!”

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me. I’m just relaying the message.”

“Whatever. So what does he want us to do?”

“We’re to send them a message. Simeon wants the brit.”

“Why Free? Kid’s probably our greatest asset. You ever see him drive a car? Or any vehicle for that matter? Insurance doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“Simeon wants to hit Ramsey where it hurts.”

“And he thinks grabbing the kid is the way to go?”

“That boy is like a son to him.”

“I always said Ramsey wasn’t right in the head. Shit, all of them oughta be fucking committed.”

“No arguments there.”

“So when’s all this going down?”

“Get the boys together. We move tonight.”

 

“Alright. Let me know when you and Ray get the bevs. I’ll see you in ten. Cheers, boi.” 

Gavin ended the call and shoved his mobile back into his pocket. Blinking up through his shades at the setting sun peeking between skyscrapers, he took a moment to appreciate this lovely bout of warm weather they’d had after a far over-extended winter. But Gavin had never been one to stop and sniff at the roses for long, so he quickly lowered his head and continued down the sidewalk. Downtown Los Santos wasn’t terribly crowded for the time of day, and Gavin glanced with casual interest at the passersby. An elderly lady was struggling with a bag of groceries, hobbling past a tall, rough-looking man who made no attempt to help her. Not that Gavin was one to judge, since he couldn’t be bothered to lend her a hand either. He had places to be, and someone else would probably help the old bird out anyway.

When he reached the intersection Gavin pulled out his phone again, this time to check whether he was supposed to cross or keep along the sidewalk. He glanced guiltily around him as he did so, almost expecting one of the gang to pop out and mock him for still needing to use the map on his phone even though they’d been settled in the city for over a year now. A bald man with a cross tattooed onto his face stared back at him from the doorway of a barbershop, but otherwise no one paid him much attention. Gavin squinted back at his phone for a moment, then stepped into the street, where he was nearly hit by a black van that had just turned the corner.

“Oi, watch it!” Gavin yelled at the driver who responded with a blast from his horn. Gavin quickly hurried to the other side before checking his phone again. He could practically hear Jack nagging him about paying more attention to his surroundings. He did pay attention though. Just . . . selectively so.

If he continued along this street until his second right, he would be at the convenience store where Michael and Ray were waiting with the bevs. They had decided to take advantage of the improved weather conditions to have the year’s first swimmy bevs, which Ray had surprisingly agreed to join in on (by which he meant he would be sitting on a chair under the umbrella fully dressed and playing video games while they were in the pool). They were all looking forward to having some lads time, especially with all the orders Geoff had been running them on lately. Gavin’s neck still hurt from when he’d crashed that firetruck into the bank.

As he swiveled his head from side to side, rubbing at the muscles in his neck, Gavin noticed that the van that had almost hit him, instead of continuing down the street, had turned around and was now slowly following behind him. Glancing back, but trying to be as subtle as possible, he saw that the rough-looking man and the bald guy from earlier were both walking towards him, hands hidden inside their jackets.

Okay, so maybe Jack had a point. He should have noticed this much earlier.

Trying not to visibly increase his pace, Gavin looked around for possible escape routes. There were no shops nearby that he could duck into, but there was an alleyway a few metres ahead. As the men behind him got closer, Gavin bolted. He would cut through the alleyway into the next street over, then keep running until he could get into a building.

Of course, he didn’t count on the possibility of the alleyway leading to a dead end.

“Dammit!” Gavin stopped, looked around, but there were no windows or fire escapes he could use. He searched for his gun before remembering that he’d left it at his apartment.

“Bollocks,” he muttered, turning back to face the street. The two men had rounded the corner and were approaching him, slowly now that they saw he had nowhere to go. Gavin fumbled in his pocket for his mobile, but it was too late. The bald man grabbed it from his hand while the other pulled out his gun and pointed it at Gavin’s head.

“I don’t suppose we could talk this out?” Gavin said with a weak grin, his heart feeling as though it was about to break through his ribs and burst out of his chest. He was panting from the short run and the adrenaline of the chase, as well as the sinking feeling in his gut that he was about to take a one-way trip downtown, as the saying went.

The last thing he saw before the gun struck him on the back of his head was the black van pulling up at the curb right at the alleyway’s entrance. After that, everything was black.

 

“Geoff, visitor for you.” Jack escorted in a lean rat of a man who slunk into the room with the ease and confidence of a messenger with diplomatic immunity. Jack left him in the center of the room and retreated off to the side. Geoff did not look up from where he stood at the table perusing several maps of the city, making marks here and there and muttering to himself. The rat waited to be acknowledged, but when Geoff continued to stare down at his maps he cleared his throat to re-direct the mob boss’s attention.

“Whaddaya want?” was Geoff’s only reply, still not looking up.

“Simeon sent me,” the rat said, puffing up, as though the mere words awarded him an extra credit to his rep.

“Tell that son of a bitch he can go suck dicks,” Geoff replied curtly, not even bothering to raise his voice from its casual mumble.

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger,” the rat said, spreading his arms wide and shrugging his bony shoulders. “I’m just doing my job.”

Geoff sighed and scribbled something in the margins of one of the smaller maps.

“What’s the bastard’s message then?”

“It’s more of a gift, actually.”

Geoff straightened up at last to look at the man. Scratching at the stubble on his chin that sat underneath an impressive mustache, he crossed over to lean against the front of the table, staring at the rat with a mild spark of interest. Grinning, and apparently pleased that he had finally gotten Geoff’s attention, the rat reached into his jacket. In the shadows, Jack tensed, his hands tightening on his gun, but Geoff waved him down as the rat pulled out a small, bulging envelope from an inner pocket. Geoff raised an eyebrow but said nothing as the rat handed it over.

“Simeon wishes to convey his compliments, as well as those of a friend of yours.”

Geoff ripped open the envelope, peered inside, and then slowly reached in and pulled out a pair of cracked sunglasses.

“The fuck is this?” he said quietly. The rat looked disappointed, as though he had expected a bigger reaction. Gathering himself up again, he delivered his message.

“Your boy sends his regards.”

Geoff’s face did not so much as twitch as he looked at Gavin’s broken glasses, although his expression had gone from disinterested to something that somehow burned and froze at the same time. After minutes of silence, during which the rat shifted uneasily from foot to foot, Simeon’s messenger spoke again.

“Simeon sent me here on his behalf to negotiate the terms of exchange--”

It was over almost instantly. Jack had barely moved when the rat collapsed onto the ground, the bullet hole in his head bleeding out onto the concrete floor. Jack looked to Geoff, who was still holding his arm out at point blank range.

“No negotiations,” he said, tucking the gun away. Jack watched him, wise enough to keep his silence. After a minute, Geoff turned to him.

“Get the guys. Now,” he said. “I want them here in five. And dispose of this trash,” he kicked the body of the rat. “It’s stinking up my office.”

Jack nodded and hurried out of the room, dragging the body of Simeon’s messenger behind him as Geoff returned to the table and began clearing it of the maps.


	2. Gather the Crew

Gavin came to with a groan, his head pounding with the worst bloody headache of his life. For half a second he thought he’d had too much to drink with the lads the other night, but the ropes around his wrists soon made it abundantly clear what his situation was.

Wincing at the throbbing in his head, Gavin looked around him. He was tied to a chair in the middle of a small room, maybe two metres square, made of solid concrete. Across from him was a door he didn’t need to see a bolt on to know was locked. A single strip of fluorescent lighting on the ceiling illuminated the room in a way that put everything into sharp contrast.

Gavin tried to remember what had happened after those two men cornered him in the alley, but the blow had rendered him fully unconscious for the entire ride. Even if he could reach his pockets, he knew they would have taken his mobile away, and a experimental tug on the ropes showed that whoever had tied him up knew his knots.

“Oi!” Gavin yelled. His voice bouncing off the walls and echoing back at him did nothing to help his headache. He probably had a lump on his skull the size of a walnut. Brilliant.

“Anyone out there who wants to tell me what the bloody hell is going on?” Well, Gavin could grasp the general situation, but a few specifics would be nice. “Come on, you bastards, open the door!”

Nothing. Either no one was there or they were just being a bunch of pricks and ignoring him. Didn’t anyone ever teach them kidnapper’s etiquette? At least when the AH Crew held someone hostage, they treated them civilly. Unless they ended up shooting them in the head. But until that point they were perfect gentlemen.

Gavin had gone back to pulling at the ropes when he heard sounds on the other side of the door. He listened but couldn’t make anything out other than muffled male voices. Then at last he heard a key turn in the lock and the door opened.

“About bloody time,” Gavin said, as the tattooed man from earlier stepped into the room. He walked forward until he towered over Gavin, who had to crane his neck up in order to maintain eye contact. Bloody hell, had he been that tall before?

“I was beginning to wonder if anyone was home,” Gavin said. “You know, it’s generally considered polite to at least buy a bloke dinner first before you take him back to your place--”

The man backhanded Gavin’s across the face. Hard. His whole body rocked with the impact. His right cheek felt completely numb.

“Surprised you missed my nose,” Gavin muttered, turning back to the man. Another sharp blow sent his head snapping to the other side.

“Shut up,” the tattooed man said, while Gavin tried to suss out which hurt more, his face or the back of his head. “Consider yourself lucky our orders weren’t to shoot you dead in the streets. You may be formidable as a group, but on your own you and your comrades are nothing. I could have killed you six different times in the half hour I was following you. But instead I’m stuck babysitting until I receive new orders from Simeon.”

“Simeon?” Gavin’s eyebrows shot up. Geoff and the others had had skirmishes with Simeon’s lot in the past, but the dealer had never taken any extreme measures against them. Gavin had heard the rumors about his connection with the mafia, but had figured they were mostly hype, rumors probably spread around by Simeon himself to make sure people kept in line with their debts.

“Yeah, and that’s all you’ll be knowing right now. Till the boss says otherwise, you’re going to stay right here.”

“What’re you looking to get out of me, a ransom?” Gavin asked. “You’re bloody stupid if you think the gang won’t do anything about this.”

“And you’re a fool if you think Simeon isn’t counting on Ramsey and his dogs coming to your rescue.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

But the tattooed man merely turned away and walked to the door. Opening it, he spoke to someone just on the other side.

“I’m heading out. And get a gag, this one talks too much, and his accent is annoying the shit out of me.”

Just for that, Gavin made sure the man was escorted out by a string of heavily-accented British expletives, some of which he made up on the spot. When another man came to shove the gag down his throat, he continued to shout around the dirty cloth, so that his stifled curses mingled with the slamming of the door as it shut in front of him.

 

“Those goddamn motherfuckers.”

“Michael, you need to calm down.”

“I am calm, look how fucking calm I am.” Michael continued to pace aggressively around the room.

“Michael,” Jack’s voice was quiet but his entire body radiated with tension.

“I’m going to kill them! I’m going to shoot every one of those goddamn bastards in their fucking heads!”

“Do we want to just straight up kill them? I was thinking something more along the lines of cruel and unusual punishment. I hear water-boarding is making a comeback.”

“Jesus Christ, Ryan.”

Ray sat silently in the corner, dismantling and cleaning his sniper rifle over and over again. Although his eyes were directed towards the various gun parts, his gaze was vacant and distant.

“That fucking moron,” Michael said. “Got himself _fucking_ kidnapped. By Simeon. Did they tell him they had candy in the back of their van? He had his fucking _phone_ on him, he couldn’t buy himself enough time to _call_ one of us? Ray and I were at the goddamn gas station last night. We were all supposed to meet up at the convenience store, we probably would have been able to get to him in time--”

“It’s not your fault, Michael,” Jack said, walking in front of the angry young man so that he was forced to stop pacing. Michael tried to duck around him but Jack grabbed onto his shoulders and held on tight.

“Michael, listen to me. It’s. Not. Your. Fault. We could have been right there and it still wouldn’t be our faults. The only people who are to blame are the ones who took him in the first place. We’re going to get him back, even if we have to take out every single one of Simeon’s men to do so.”

“Goddamn right we are.”

Everyone turned to look as Geoff entered the room. Michael and Jack stood at attention. Ryan stepped forward from his place against the wall. Ray finally put down his rifle and stood up.

“Listen up, boys. I’m only going to go over this once. If Simeon thinks he can just waltz in and take Gavin from right under our noses, he’s been sniffing too many car fumes.”

None of the guys made their usual quips or jokes. All eyes were on Geoff.

“The plan is simple. We find Simeon’s hidey-hole, bust our way in, and politely ask them to hand Gavin over.”

At this, Ryan raised his hand.

“Now, when you say ‘politely’ . . .”

“I mean we shoot, blast, bip, and smash anyone stupid enough to get in our way.”

“Do we know what we’ll be up against?” Jack asked, while Michael and Ryan shot each other grins.

“Not sure. Simeon’s got his dick in a number of pies all over the city,” Geoff said, scratching at the stubble on his chin. “We know he’s got the cops in his back pocket, though that’s never stopped us from messing with his stuff before. Still, we don’t have time to dick around here, so let’s try to avoid antagonizing any officers of the law.”

Everyone nodded, focused.

“First things first. Simeon’s got goons spread out all over the place. We find one, secure him, then persuade him to tell us where we can find a certain crooked car dealer.”

Ryan chuckled and cracked his knuckles. This got a few smiles out of the gang, although Geoff remained stoic.

“It won’t be long before Simeon realizes I’ve rejected his offer to negotiate,” Geoff continued. “So we work hard, and we work fast. Once we know where to go, we’ll shape our attack strategy from there. Michael, Ray, you guys hit the docks. The usual bars and hangouts.”

Michael and Ray looked at each other, nodded. Ray snapped the final piece onto his rifle and hoisted it over his shoulder.

“Ryan, you’re heading down into the subways. Simeon usually has his men take debtors down there for a bit of financial consultation. You’re going in alone though, so don’t do anything reckless. We don’t need anyone getting word to Simeon.”

“So except for one lucky prisoner, no survivors.”

“Exactly. But be subtle. None of that homicidal maniac bullshit.”

“Yet.”

“Jack, you’re with me. We’re taking the city. I know a few local businesses that take it from Simeon up the ass. We might be able to find some leads there.”

“Got it.”

“We’ll keep in touch with the ear comms. Once you’ve got a hostage, let us know and we’ll converge out by the airport. Don’t fuck this up by getting yourselves killed.”

Everyone stood at attention, ready to carry out their assignments. The AH Crew were always eager right before a mission, but this was different. There was much more at stake, and each man knew there was no fucking around. Not this time. Geoff looked at his crew, nodded, and headed for the door.

“Let’s go get our idiot back.”


	3. Search and Interrogate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has left kudos or comments and showed their support. I'm about 3/4 of the way finished with this story--this particular bit was written months ago. Once I actually finish everything, I may consider posting twice a week instead of just on Mondays. Hope you all enjoy this next chapter!

The gents had already left the base for their designated locations, but the remaining lads hung back a little longer. Ray was getting his ammunition in order and giving Michael time to talk to a certain red-head.

“They took him right out from under us, Lindsay. Right under our fucking noses.”

Lindsay took both of Michael’s hands in hers and gripped them tight.

“You’ll get him back. Gavin’s going to be okay.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because if Simeon wanted him dead he would have had his men take Gavin out on the street, send a message to Geoff that way. They’re not going to go to the trouble of kidnapping him and then killing him.”

“I hope you’re right.” Michael sighed and pressed his forehead against Lindsay’s, trying to take in some of her calm to soothe his rage, which was still boiling fiercely inside of him. Gavin was an idiot most of the time and drove him fucking nuts, but he was also his friend, his boi. Nobody messed with his boi.

“Ray and I are checking out the docks,” he said. “Hopefully we’ll find someone who can lead us to one of Simeon’s men, or better yet one of the fuckers themselves will show up.”

“Be careful, Michael. Simeon will be aiming to send you home full of holes.”

“Lindsay, please,” Michael joked. “Have you met the AH Crew? Careful is our middle name.

“Not as sexy as Vinny.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying. You’ve got the most gangster-name in the history of ever.”

“Goddammit, Lindsay,” Michael laughed.

“Yo, Michael,” Ray called from the other room. “Clock’s ticking.”

“Yeah, I’m coming. Give me two more minutes.” Michael called, then squeezed Lindsay’s shoulders. “While we’re away, you’re in charge of keeping the base secure.”

“Me? Michael, I’m not even a part of the AH Crew, officially at least. Shouldn’t Kerry be the one--?”

“Fuck that. You are just as much a part of this team as the rest of us, even if Geoff has been dragging his ass about making it official. Kerry might have gone through the initiation, but if Simeon or anyone else decides to strike while we’re away from home, I know you’ll be the one keeping shit together.”

“That’s me. The glue for all your shit-related needs. I’m sticky as all hell, just like in _Stuck on You_.”

“That joke is old as shit,” Michael said, smirking.

“Still funny as hell though.”

“Listen, Lindsay.” Michael’s grin faded. He reached out to touch Lindsay’s cheek. “If things don’t go our way--”

“Fuck that, don’t you even start with me, Michael Jones.” Lindsay jabbed a finger into Michael’s chest. “You’d better be back by dinnertime, or I’ll go over there and kick your ass myself.”

Michael grinned and leaned forward to kiss her.

“Yes, ma’am.” 

 

As it turned out, being a hostage was incredibly boring.

Gavin had been staring at the same spot on the wall in front of him for what felt like days. He was hungry, his wrists itched from the ropes binding them, and the gag shoved in his mouth tasted like old socks. Actually, there was a good chance the dirty rag was an old sock. Bile reared up in Gavin’s throat and he fought to keep it down. This was not the time for his hyper-sensitive gag-reflex to kick in.

_Just don’t visualize it, Gavin,_ he thought to himself. _Don’t think about how this bit of cloth you’ve got your tongue all over probably spent a couple of months on someone’s sweaty, fungus-covered foot--_

Most fortunately, it was at that moment the door to his room opened, distracting him from his vivid mental images. The tattooed man from earlier walked into the room, accompanied this time by a shorter and more lithe man who had styled his red hair into spikes that made him look like an Irish hedgehog. While the tattooed man clomped around with a foreboding presence that overcrowded the room, the other walked with a narrow but lengthy step that swept him from place to place with the gracefulness of a snake.

“Mr. Free, such a pleasure to have you with us. I trust you find your accommodations agreeable? Can I fetch you anything? Drink? Company? Room service?”

Gavin watched Spikes as he strode about the room, seemingly unable to keep still for more than a moment. He wasn’t sure what exactly to make of his newcomer, but he didn’t like the way his gut clenched whenever Spikes looked at him.

“I’d dole out introductions, but it’s best that we don’t get too familiar,” Spikes went on. “We wouldn’t want to get too attached to each other, eh?”

Limited by the gag, Gavin could only raise his eyebrows at the man. This may have been his first kidnapping, but Gavin was fairly sure most captors weren’t this chummy with their prisoners.

“Of course, where are my manners?” Spikes nodded at the tattooed man, who ripped the gag out of Gavin’s mouth. Gavin coughed a few times and spit, trying to clear the rancid taste out. 

“Ugh, that is absolutely minging.”

Spikes reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver flask, which he offered to Gavin. Thankfully, Ryan had taught Gavin a thing or two about accepting food or drink from your enemies, so he shook his head at the extended flask. Spikes merely shrugged and took a swig from it himself.

“My friends are going to come for me, and when they do, you’re going to be sorry,” Gavin said, keeping his voice low to sound as threatening as possible. It seemed to have the opposite effect, however, because Spikes nearly choked on his drink as he started to laugh.

“Man, which movie did you steal that line from? You don’t have to take your cues from such a cliched script, kid, you’ll make me want to start monologuing like a 1920s mobster,” Spikes chuckled, wiping his mouth clean and putting the flask away. “Sadly, there is no dramatic, master plan here. I think our intentions are fairly obvious. You’re going to be the nice, juicy worm that lures Ramsey and his men to the hook. Then Simeon’s gonna have himself a tasty fish dinner.”

“It’s going to be a dinner of blowfish,” Gavin retorted. Spikes visibly winced.

“Do us all a favor and don’t attempt to take part in the witty banter routine.”

“You’re messing with the most dangerous crew in all of Los Santos. They’re going to blast you all straight to the moon!”

“Oh, I don’t deny that the AH Crew is chock full of crazies,” Spikes said, beginning to circle the room. Gavin craned his neck to try and follow him while also keeping an eye on the tattooed man, who stood silently off to the side, just within his peripheral vision. “Pattillo and Jones are both handy with vehicles, and Narvaez Jr. is probably one of the best crack shots for a hundred miles. Ramsey’s always got at least half a dozen tricks up his sleeve and Haywood, well, he’s another story altogether. Individually, they’re forces to be reckoned with, but when combined, they’re the biggest threats to themselves and everyone around them. But every prized litter has got a runt or two in it. That’s where you come in. I’ve seen you in action, kid. Gotta say, not all that remarkable. In fact, the only impressive thing about you is that you haven’t killed yourself a million times over.”

“I’m like a cat.”

Both men stared at him. Gavin frowned when they didn’t get it.

“Because I have more than one life. Nine lives, or however many cats are supposed to--”

_Whap!_

The tattooed man’s hand made a swishing sound in the air as it darted out at Gavin’s head, striking him across the cheek, like a racket against a tennis ball.

“You see, that’s my point exactly,” Spikes went on, acting as though nothing had happened. He shrugged and began to wander around the room, not even looking at Gavin. The tattooed man, on the other hand, never looked away from him. “Anyone with two brain cells to spare can tell there’s no one living up there the second you open your mouth. Now Ramsey might not be the most conventional of people, but even he has to realize what a complete and utter waste of space you are. So why keep you around? What’s your secret?” Spikes stopped pacing the room and turned to face Gavin, his face holding an expression of interest that Gavin wasn’t sure was genuine or not. He leaned in closer, invading Gavin’s space. “What makes you so special?”

“Sod off,” Gavin said.

_Whap!_ The tattooed man struck Gavin across the face again. His cheek, which had begun to dull into a soft throb, blazed afresh.

“You know what I hate?” Spikes said, posing the question to his fingernails. “I hate snarky little children with an invincibility complex. Let me make something very clear to you, _boy_. Your usefulness as bait is not the only reason Simeon had us bring you in. Rather, we’re hoping your mouth is as big as your nose, and that after a few little ‘group sessions’ with my partner here, everything we want to know about Ramsey’s little enterprise will come tumbling out. Now, I want you to think of this as a practice round. So spill, kid. Why is one of the most powerful men in Los Santos so attached to a spastic, little limey moron?”

“It’s my unparalleled skill with grenades,” Gavin deadpanned.

_Whap!_

“My winning personality?” 

_Whap!_

Gavin grinned through the blood dripping down his chin.

“Guess it just must be my good looks, then.”

The tattooed man hit Gavin again, and this time, he made sure to aim for his nose.

 

“Team OG to Team BetterFriends. Any luck at the docks?”

“That is not going to be our fucking team name.”

“You know we have to use code names over the comm in case we get tapped.”

“Fine, then pick a better name for us!”

“Hey, Team PainInMyAsshole,” Geoff’s voice broke in over the radio. “Quit squabbling and report your fucking status already.”

Michael sighed and looked over at Ray.

“Just a buttload of nothing. We grilled the local owners, even offered up both kinds of persuasion, but no one’s seen any of Simeon’s guys since yesterday.”

“We’re not having any success on our end either,” Jack’s voice said. “We hit up all the usual spots but it’s like they’ve all skipped town. Then this one got into a fight over at Ten Green Bottles--”

“That punk was giving me an attitude! Fucking bitch.”

“--so we had to make a few pay-offs to keep anyone from phoning the cops.”

“What about the Mad King?”

“Same boat,” Ryan’s voice popped in amidst a burst of static. Reception wasn’t that great down in the subway. “Either Simeon just happened to send all his men off on an all-expenses paid vacation this week, or he knows we’re out looking for them.”

“We’re wasting time,” Geoff said. “Let’s rendezvous with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum and come up with a new strategy.”

“We’ll hang out until you get here, then,” Michael said. The others switched off, and he turned to Ray.

“So now what?”

“Dunno,” Ray shrugged. “Want to try to climb on top of the ferris wheel carriages?”

“Yeah, alright.”

 

Within twenty minutes, the gang was all collected together at the end of the pier. Ray and Michael were munching on a couple of hot dogs they picked up from one of the carts, while the gents gathered around in a semi-circle, discussing options.

“We could blow up a few Simeon vehicles, that might get their attention,” Jack suggested.

“Yeah, police attention,” Geoff replied. “Those cops are crooked but they don’t know enough to lead us to the hideout.”

“One of them’s gotta know something.”

“You wanna kidnap and interrogate a member of the LSPD? Be my guest.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t shot that messenger Simeon sent us, we’d have a better lead on where to go,” Ryan spoke up quietly.

“You think I should have negotiated with that little shit?” Geoff said. “Given in to all of Simeon’s demands like a punk ass bitch?”

“I’m just saying, we could have gotten more information out of him through torture, instead of just straight up killing him.”

“Ryan, when you have something fucking useful to say, let me know. Until then, shut the fuck up.”

“No wait, just listen--”

“No, you listen you psychotic piece of shit,” Geoff’s voice had gone low, dangerously low. It was a tone the other AH members rarely heard. Geoff could be serious at times but mostly he gave off a vibe of constant, don’t-give-a-shit-ness, occasionally punctuated by bouts of his signature laughter that often sent all of them into hysterics. The way he was now, the way he had been ever since Gavin had been taken, how his eyes, which before had held a tiny spark of amusement beneath a lackluster shine, had gone completely dead, that was something none of them had seen before in their fearless leader.

“Plenty of people have questioned my methods. Even I’ve wondered from time to time what the fuck I was thinking,” Geoff said. “But nothing has ever made me doubt my sanity more than keeping your certifiable ass around after all the crazy stunts you’ve pulled. I can’t count on both of my hands how many times you’ve almost assassinated me or another member of this crew. In fact, one of the reasons I don’t kick you out on the street is because I’m fucking terrified of what you would do on your own. But you’re a part of this family, and you’ve gotten us all out of tight jams dozens of times. I know you exaggerate your psychotic tendencies for the effect, but I’m telling you right now that I don’t want to hear any of that shit. Not until we have Gavin back home safe. Then you can rave about water-boarding and fingernail-pulling all you want, but until then, listen to what I say, and when I tell you to shut up, you shut the fuck up. Are we clear?”

The two men glared at each other. Michael, Ray, and Jack shot each other worried glances, unsure if they would be able to break up a fight between Geoff and Ryan before one of them took out a weapon. The tension pressed upon them with suffocating force. Finally, Ryan stepped back and lowered his eyes.

“I just want to find Gavin.”

Geoff also relaxed, some of the tension going out of his shoulders. Behind him, the three men let out silent sighs of relief.

“Then let’s stop dicking around and go find him.”

“How?”

Geoff rubbed at the stubble around his face, tugging at his mustache.

“New plan,” he said. “Instead of searching for Simeon’s men, we let them come to us.”

“What are we going to do? Send out the bat-signal?” Ray asked.

“We should grab some masks while we’re here,” Geoff said. “I’ve just had a great idea for a new heist.”


	4. The Chase

“So does everyone understand what we’re doing?”

“I understand, but it sounds fucking nuts,” Michael said.

“I’m with Michael on this,” Jack said. “Are you sure this isn’t just going to get us all shot?”

“Not if everyone follows their instructions to the letter,” Geoff responded. “Go through it again so I know you all have it down.”

“We’re all heading over to the Premium Deluxe Motorsport on Power Street,” Jack said. “I will keep the employees out front occupied while Michael, Ray, and Ryan sneak around to the back.”

“Then Michael will keep a look out while Ryan and I make our way into the back rooms,” Ray chimed in. “I’ll take out any witnesses.”

“Once the coast is clear, we’ll add a liberal amount of gasoline and a sprinkling of C-4 to their files and storage boxes,” Ryan said. “Then Ray and I will detonate the explosives from a safe distance and meet up with Michael, who will signal Jack and Geoff on the comm.”

“Geoff will be waiting in a side alley with the car to pick us all up. I’ll join you as soon as I hear from Michael,” Jack concluded.

“And then,” Michael added, “we will all get got by the dozen or so police officers who show up every time we so much as spit on a Simeon vehicle. The end.”

“You should have more faith in me, Michael,” Geoff said. “Don’t forget, I’ve got friends in high places.”

“So what, you’re buddy-buddies with the LSPD now?”

Geoff snorted.

“As if I would associate with those low-grade morons. But I do know a certain someone who specializes in getting the police off people’s asses. And he owes me a favor.”

“You’re calling in Lester?” Ryan asked with surprise. “Didn’t you two have a falling out after that job you were running for him went sour?”

“Water under the bridge,” Geoff said, waving his hand dismissively. “Lester and I go way back. Didn’t take me long to get back into his good books again. Just one phone call and we won’t see so much as a flashing light when we pull this off.”

Geoff pulled out his cell phone and dialed Lester. The others watched and waited to see if this would work.

“Lester, buddy! How’s it going?” Geoff said in an overly cheery tone. “Yeah, yeah, same to you, dickwad. Listen, I need to call in that favor you owe me. Bullshit, of course you owe me--”

This went on for a few minutes. Finally, Lester and Geoff seemed to come to an agreement and Geoff hung up the phone.

“Alright, lads, we are officially in business,” Geoff said. “Lester will use his powers of persuasion and extensive connections to keep the law off our backs while we carry out this little operation.”

“Remind me again, how is this different from the much simpler plan of blowing up a few random Simeon vehicles?” Ryan asked.

“There’s no way all of Simeon’s goons have actually left town,” Geoff said. “He may be a crooked-ass car salesman, but he still has a business to run. So that’s where we’re gonna hit him. A couple of cars isn’t going to do the damage we want, but attacking one of their main areas of operation will. When their cop buddies don’t come to the rescue, those knuckleheads will have to take matters into their own hands. We bait ‘em, lure ‘em, and then catch ‘em.”

“I still think it sounds nuts, but I love blowing stuff up as much as the next guy,” Ryan said. “So what the hell, let’s do it.”

“Let’s blaze it up!” Michael yelled. Ray winced.

“I hate you guys,” he said.

 

“Alright, I’m in place,” Geoff’s voice said over the comm. “How’s Mogar and the R&R Connection?”

“Waiting on Dr. Beardface,” Michael said.

“Shout out to _Scrubs_ ,” Ray chimed in.

“I’m waiting just outside the front door,” Jack’s voice said. “Ready whenever you guys are.”

“Then let’s do it,” Geoff’s said. “Ready, set, _heist_.”

Michael, Ray, and Ryan watched as Jack entered the car dealership. They waited a few minutes and then snuck around to the back of the building, counting on Jack to keep whoever was at the front desk busy. They were each wearing the masks they’d picked up at the wharf. Ryan had swapped his usual skull mask for a hockey mask, Michael had opted for a bear mask to fit his codename, and Ray had chosen a mask at random and now looked like Frosty the Snowman attending a corporate meeting. Apparently it had been too much of a bother to find matching masks for everyone. Geoff and Jack weren't bothering with masks because their roles in the plan involved not attracting a lot of attention. Ray took care of the locked back door with a silenced pistol, and Michael waited outside while he and Ryan went in.

“The R&R Connection is in,” Michael said over the radio as he shut the door behind them. “Still all clear back here.”

“Good,” Geoff said. “Don’t waste any time. I want you in and out of there in less than ten.”

“Roger that,” Michael said.

Ray and Ryan made their way through the building. They didn’t need to worry about anyone sneaking up behind them with Michael standing guard--they were more concerned about running into an employee getting something from storage. The back of the dealership was not very well-lit, and every shadow or dark corner made them wary.

They came into a room stacked with cardboard boxes and a few filing cabinets. Peering inside, Ryan saw that the boxes were filled with various engine parts and, in one corner, cans of gasoline.

“Seems like the perfect place for a little campfire,” Ryan said, smiling gleefully.

“Get everything set up, I’ll watch the door,” Ray said, lowering his sniper rifle and taking aim at the door that connected the back room with the front lobby. Ryan got to work, using the cans of gasoline to coat the boxes, cabinets, and floor with petrol. When he was done, he reached into the bag he had slung over his shoulders and pulled out half a dozen sticky bombs, which he dutifully attached to various objects all over the room.

“The back rooms are primed and ready for exploding,” Ryan said into the radio. “Piece of cake.”

That's when everything went to shit.

As Ryan was speaking the door to the front lobby opened up and in stepped a man wearing a Motorsport uniform. He immediately spotted Ray and Ryan and started to shout, but Ray nailed him with his rifle and he dropped to the floor. Too late though. Attracted to the noise of the man and the gun, two more men walked into the back room, only unlike their buddy, these ones had guns. Ray managed to take one of them out before a series of bullets that struck the box next to his head forced him to duck for cover.

“Shit, they’re gonna ignite the explosives!” Ray shouted.

“Mogar!” Ryan yelled into the comm. “We need back-up and a fast way out or we’re going to be blow all the way to Austin!”

The remaining guy was still firing at them, and it was only by some miracle that he hadn’t hit any of the sticky bombs yet.

“We’ve got this whole room ringed with explosives!” Ryan shouted over the noise of the gunfire. “If you don’t stop shooting you’re going to blow us all up!”

The guy firing either couldn’t hear him or didn’t care, because he kept on plugging away at the wall of boxes Ray and Ryan were crouched against. Every so often, Ray would peep out to try and get off a shot at him, but the onslaught of bullets sent him back down again.

Suddenly, someone else started shooting, adding the sounds of their bullets to the fray. Ray and Ryan stayed low, knowing it was only a matter of time before someone either shot them or the gasoline-soaked room.

“Ray, I’m sorry it had to be like this,” Ryan said.

“We had a good run, man,” Ray said. “A lot of memories. Mostly of you nearly murdering us, but good times nonetheless.”

“To be fair, I think Gavin has almost gotten us killed more times than I have.”

“I hope Geoff and the others can get him out okay. I miss my Vav.”

“They will. And they’ll take out Simeon’s entire gang while they’re at it.”

“Yeah. Wish we could be there to see it.”

It took a moment for Ray and Ryan to realize that the gunfire had stopped. Their ears were still ringing from all the noise, so they almost didn’t hear the voice that spoke from right above their heads.

“Wow, what a touching moment. I had no idea you guys were such softies.”

Ray and Ryan looked up to see Michael leaning over the tops of the boxes they were hidden behind, grinning widely.

“When you two are done making out back there, we should really get going. Jack’s already at the car and we’ll have more guys on our asses any second.”

Ray and Ryan leaped up and followed Michael out of the building. They sprinted across the parking lot to the alley where Geoff was waiting with the getaway car. Three more men emerged from the front entrance and started running towards them.

“Ryan?”

“On it.” Ryan reached into an inside pocket in his jacket and pressed a button.

The resulting explosion nearly knocked them off their feet. Michael, Ray, and Ryan stumbled as the shockwave from the blast hit them, and the backs of their necks scorched in the heat. The guys who had just come out of the dealership weren’t so lucky. They were thrown to the ground and were waylaid with enough falling debris and smoke to let the AH boys get away.

“The fuck happened back there?” Geoff cried as they launched themselves into the car.

“Forget it, just drive!” Michael yelled.

“You were supposed to clear the building before giving Jack the signal!”

“We got interrupted midway through operations and why aren’t we driving away?!” Ryan yelled.

“The whole point of this was to lure out some of Simeon’s men. We wait for them to start chasing us before we run,” Geoff said.

“Fuck me,” Michael groaned, pressing his face up against the window. There was no sign of the men who had begun to chase them right before the explosion. The building itself was barely visible through all the smoke that hung in the air. In the distance, fire sirens began to wail.

“Fuck, did you guys kill them all?” Geoff muttered, staring out the window.

“We glacked a few but there were others,” Michael said, scanning the parking lot. “There!” he shouted, pointing.

A black Mercedes-Benz had just emerged out of the smoke, headed straight for them. Besides the driver, there was at least one other person in the passenger seat, but it was impossible to tell if anyone was riding in the back. Geoff shifted into drive.

“Hang on to your dicks,” he said, and pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor.

The Achievement Hunter car jerked forward, flinging them out of the alleyway as though it had been fired from a cannon. Geoff took out two mailboxes and a fire hydrant on the turn, and then they were speeding down the road. Lester must have been better at his job than they all thought, because even though they were leaving a humongous pile of destruction in their wake, they didn’t see a single cop car headed their way.

“Simeon’s guys are right behind us,” Jack said, poking his head out of the car window to take a look.

“Keep an eye out. I don’t want them to lose us,” Geoff said, swerving to avoid a collision with a slower car in front. Suddenly a series of bullets thudded into the car. Jack yelped and yanked his head back in to safety.

“I’m more worried about them shooting us up before we get anywhere,” he said. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“Airport,” Geoff said.

“And then what?”

“Then we switch to the offensive, and one lucky survivor is going to tell us where Gavin is.”

They made their way through the city with Simeon’s car right behind them. There were a couple of close calls with some pedestrians, but they all managed to jump out of the way in time. Finally they saw the gated fence that was the entrance to the airport hanger.

“So are we just gonna bust through the gate or . . .?” Michael asked.

“‘Or,’” Geoff replied, and then jerked the wheel to the right. Their tires screeched as the car turned and launched itself off a small side ramp that took them up and over the gate. For a few seconds, they were all suspended in midair, then the car slammed back down onto the ground on the other side. They skidded out of control and almost flipped, but fortunately rocked back onto all four wheels.

“Holy . . . fucking . . . shit,” Michael wheezed, gripping the seat in front of him so tightly it turned his knuckles white.

“I hate ramps,” Ray said. “Let’s not do that again ever.”

“That was fantastic,” Geoff said, also out of breath and clutching the steering wheel as though his hands were surgically attached to it. “Never made that jump before.”

The others all turned to look at him in disbelief, but at that moment the Simeon car also tried to pull off the jump. Fortunately, they had far less success than the AH Crew had. As soon as the Simeon’s wheels hit the ground the car flipped, rotating a full three times before coming to rest on its roof, its wheels spinning in the air.

“I take it back,” Ray said. “I love ramps. Ramps are the best thing ever.”

They got out of the car, guns at the ready, to see if any of Simeon’s men had survived the crash. At first it seemed like no one had, and then one guy sporting a nasty cut on his forehead crawled out from the rear window. He dragged himself from under the wreckage of the car and lay panting, staring down at the ground. When he looked up, it was to see the business ends of five guns pointed right at his face.

“Thanks for joining us,” Geoff said. “If you don’t mind, we’d like to ask you a couple of questions about your boss. You don’t have anywhere to be, do you?”

The man glared at Geoff through his one eye that wasn’t already swollen.

“Fuck you,” he said, showing a mouth that was missing several teeth.

“Wow, talk about rude,” Geoff said. “Ryan, would you like to teach this guy some manners?”

Ryan stepped forward with a huge grin on his face.

“My pleasure,” he said, and struck the back of the man’s head with the butt of his gun. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious.


	5. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're really starting to get into it now! Thank you so much to everyone who's left a comment or kudos on this--it really means a lot to see people who enjoy reading what I write. Hope you enjoy this next chapter, sort of the lull before the storm.

“Wakey, wakey, sunshine,” Michael sang, smacking the face of the man they had captured. While he was out in dreamland they had taken the liberty of securing him in one of the offices of the airplane hanger via a locked door and a shit-ton of rope. The only source of light was a bare bulb dangling from the ceiling that cast shadows into every corner. They probably could have found a more well-lit area to hold the interrogation in, but frankly this set up the desired atmosphere nicely. Now Michael stood in front of their prisoner, patiently waiting for him to regain his senses.

_Smack!_

Of course, some would say that a slap to the face could do wonders for one’s level of alertness.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re on a bit of a schedule here,” Michael said over the man’s groans. “Which means I don’t really have time to dick around . . . . hey, fuckface, what’s your name?”

“You’re not getting anything out of me,” the man said defiantly.

“It doesn’t matter, I don’t really care what your name is anyway. I’ll just call you Fuckface. So, Fuckface, do you know why you’re here?”

Fuckface remained silent. Michael smiled thinly.

“That’s okay, I’ll explain it to you. You see, your boss took someone who belongs to us, and as much of a fucking idiot as he is, we’d like to have him back. So, let me ask you nicely,” Michael suddenly lashed out and seized Fuckface’s hair, yanking his head back and ripping more than a few hairs out from their roots. “Where is Gavin Free?”

Fuckface hissed out in pain, but still refused to speak. Michael sighed and released him.

“C’mon, man, it’s really in your best interests to work with me, here. I’m the good cop. You don’t want to make me bring in the bad cop.”

“Go to hell,” Fuckface spat. Michael shrugged.

“Hey, suit yourself man.” Michael gestured to a figure waiting in the shadows.

“This is Ryan, affectionately referred to as the Mad King. He’s _not_ going to ask nicely.”

“Hello, there,” Ryan said, stepping into the light. “You and I are going to become intimately acquainted in these next few minutes.”

“You gonna jam your thumb up his butthole?”

“While settle for the thumb when I’ve got an entire handful of instruments at my disposal?”

“But to be clear, you will be sticking stuff up his ass?”

“Well, you know, we’ll see where the night goes.”

Michael laughed at the look on Fuckface’s face.

“Last chance,” he teased. “Tell us where Gavin is and you get to leave with your asshole intact.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Fuckface said. “I’m dead if I tell you. Simeon will see to that.”

“Well, that at least confirms that you do know where our friend is being held,” Ryan said. “As for Simeon, I’d say he’s the least of your worries right now, trust me.”

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Michael said, stepping out of the room. “Ryan--”

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, I won’t kill him,” Ryan said. “I’m taking a little mini-murder break. At least for the next hour.”

“Better make that half an hour. Geoff’s getting impatient.”

“Right. Now then,” Ryan turned to his captive. “Let’s get started.”

 

Ten minutes later, Ryan emerged from the room looking incredibly disappointed.

“457 Temple Drive. They’ve got Gavin in an abandoned factory in a pretty deserted area of the city. It’s about a fifteen minute drive from here.”

“Great,” Michael said. “Let’s suit up and go.”

“Wait, if you got the address, why do you look so disappointed?” Jack asked.

“The guy caved as soon as I brought out the pliers. I didn’t even get to do anything, he just wet his pants at the sight of them.”

“You just can’t find good torture victims nowadays,” Michael shrugged.

“So what are we gonna do with him now?” Ray asked.

“You know the rules, Ray. No witnesses,” Geoff said. “We’ll leave him here for now in case he’s trying to screw us with a phony address. Then once we have Gavin back we’ll return to put him out of his misery. If I don’t forget about him.”

“I’ll remember,” Jack said. “We don’t need another Edgar incident.”

The others repressed shudders at the memory of that particular disaster, while Ryan smiled fondly in reminiscence.

“Alright,” Geoff said. “We’ve got a location. Let’s go get our boy back.”

The others nodded agreement. They were all starting to get excited.

“First though,” Geoff said, “we have to pick up some supplies.”

 

“Where is Ramsey basing his operations these days?”

“Do you think a giraffe could strangle someone with its neck if it really wanted to?”

Gavin’s left shoulder exploded in pain as the tattooed man drove his elbow down onto it. They’d been at it for awhile already, though the lack of a clock in the room meant Gavin had no idea exactly how long. He’d guess a few hours though. After their first “discussion,” Spikes and his friend had left him alone for a bit, probably to give him time to mull over his current predicament so that he would be more willing to talk. There wasn’t a chance in hell it would have worked, and it was incredibly boring just sitting there staring at the wall. Gavin had tried escaping, but had only succeeded in pulling his ropes so tight they made his hands go slightly numb. Besides, the small, rational part of his brain reasoned, even if he could get out of the chair he was still locked in this room which was God-knows-where with an unknown amount of armed guards wandering about. That didn’t make it any less frustrating, though.

Spikes was seated across from him, leaning against the wall. The interrogation process was simple. He would ask questions about Geoff and his activities and his partner would try to “motivate” Gavin to answer. Gavin would rather die than sell out Geoff or any of the other Achievement Hunters, though, so instead he did his best to give the most random, annoying non-sequitor answers as possible. It wasn’t doing wonders for his physical condition, but the growing irritation of the other two was quite satisfying.

“Which stores is Ramsey targeting for the next heist?”

“Did you know that your body is technically made up of the same atoms that used to be in dinosaurs?”

Gavin’s shoulder received another blow. Spikes sighed and rocked his chair back onto the ground, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. In spite of the pain, Gavin smiled. He was getting to him.

“Do you not understand how this is supposed to work?” Spikes said. “You,” he pointed at Gavin, “are the helpless, kidnapped victim. And I,” he pointed at himself, “am your captor, judge, jury, and, God willing, executioner. I ask questions, you clam up at first, my buddy here hits you a bunch of times, and then you sing like a canary. There’s an established order to these things, and it does not involve fucking dinosaur atoms!”

“Are you aware that your hair makes you look like a boy band reject?”

“That’s it!” Spikes yelled, rushing forward and grabbing Gavin by the front of his shirt. Before Gavin had quite registered the movement, he felt the pressure of a gun barrel being jammed under his chin.

“I have had it with your stupid-ass backtalk,” Spikes said. “I cannot _wait_ until Ramsey and his boys get here and we can shoot you all full of so much lead you’ll be x-ray proof.” Spikes removed the gun from under Gavin’s chin and pressed against his right thigh instead. “Simeon may want you alive for now, but he didn’t say you had to be in mint condition.”

Christ. Gavin tried not to show it but his heart was thumping so loudly he thought his ribcage might explode. That had backfired enormously. Crap. He might be able to stay the bullet if he said something about Geoff, but that wasn’t an option. So Gavin braced himself and hoped his screams of anguish wouldn’t be too embarrassingly high-pitched. Spikes flicked off the safety and tucked his finger over the trigger.

_Boom!_

An enormous explosion sounded from somewhere outside the room. It was soon followed by the faint pops of gunfire.

“The hell . . .?” Spikes said, straightening up and removing the gun from Gavin’s leg.

_Boom!_

A second explosion, this time from the opposite direction. The tattooed man left the room as Spikes continued to stare at the wall in confusion. That’s when Gavin started to chuckle, a soft sound that soon grew into loud bursts of joy.

“What the fuck are you laughing at?” Spikes asked, completely thrown off.

“I told you,” Gavin raised his head to meet Spikes’s gaze, grinning like a maniac. “My friends are coming for me. And they are going to make you sorry as hell.”

Before Spikes could respond, the tattooed man ducked his head back into the room.

“It’s the Achievement Hunters,” he said to Spikes. “They’ve blasted through the perimeter and are on their way here.”

“Get everyone into position if they haven’t already. Ramsey and his men do not leave the premises. And tell the men there’s a significant monetary bonus for anyone who manages to kill one of these bastards.”

The tattooed man nodded and left the room, barking at one of the guards outside to stay put and the other to follow him. Spikes turned back to Gavin.

“Sorry to cut our session short,” he said. “You don’t mind waiting here until I get this all sorted out, do you?”

Smirking, Spikes left the room, locking the door behind him and leaving Gavin alone, tied to a chair, and utterly unable to do anything as his friends brought down all hell trying to find him.


	6. Charging the Battlefield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins. Fair warning guys, I don't know how to write a short fight sequence, so this is going to go on for awhile. Hopefully the action is exciting enough to justify it.
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for leaving comments and kudos. I don't respond to all the comments but I do read and cherish each one, so thank you.
> 
> And as of today, this story is officially finished (on my computer, not on here)! I will continue to post them weekly, and work on some other stuff in the meantime.

“Michael! Three more on the right! Ryan! Cover him!” Geoff shouted instructions to the others through the comm piece. They had decided to forgo the code names in the heat of battle. The enemy was far too occupied to waste time taping into their communications anyway. The C-4 Ryan and Michael had set up around the gate that circled the factory had detonated nicely, blowing two holes in opposite sides that had forced Simeon’s men to split up their attack. Ryan and Michael were on foot while Geoff drove around in the Achievement Hunter car, providing cover as they progressed towards the factory.

“Jack! Ray! How’s it going with the vehicles?” Geoff yelled as a hail of bullets shattered his rear window.

“Almost got them!” Jack’s voice buzzed over the comm. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t want us to get something more practical.”

“Because this will look cool as dicks,” Geoff said logically. “And the larger vehicles will stand up to bullets much longer than more cars would. Our car is already wrecked.”

“I swear, Michael brings that thing to the shop so much he might as well use it as a second garage.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up and join us. Our dumb luck can’t hold out forever.”

“On our way.”

Geoff saw that Michael and Ryan had taken out the guys who had been attacking them and were continuing to move towards the factory. He scanned the area, looking for other threats, and saw something that made his stomach drop.

One of Simeon’s men was holding a rocket launcher, and it was pointed right at Michael and Ryan.

“Shit.” Geoff pressed down hard on the gas pedal to run interception. The car sped forward, wheels kicking up clumps of dirt behind them. Out of the corner of his eye, Geoff caught the flash as the rocket launcher activated.

It all happened very quickly. Geoff made sure the car was still on course, then bailed, landing in the dirt as the vehicle continued to move forward. Michael and Ryan, oblivious to what was happening, continued to take out guys left and right as they made their way forwards. No sooner had Geoff tumbled to a stop, when the rocket made contact with the Achievement Hunter car and exploded, sending flaming fragments of metal and glass everywhere. Everyone in the area dove for cover as the destruction rained down on them. When Geoff looked up, he saw that their car had been reduced to a flaming skeleton of a vehicle. A sad sight indeed, but at least it had saved his crew.

There was no time to mourn, however, as the man holding the rocket launcher began to reload. Geoff wasn’t a crack shot like Ray, so there was no way he could pull off a headshot from this distance.

“Michael, Ryan, cover me. I need to put that rocket launcher out of commission!”

“Got it!” Ryan shouted back.

Geoff bolted forwards, relying on Michael and Ryan to get him there safely. They had his back--not a single bullet came even close to hitting him. Just as the man had finished reloading and was about to take aim, Geoff launched himself forward, tackling the enemy by the waist and bringing him to the ground. They hit the earth hard, rolling around in the dirt, each trying to gain the upper hand.

Geoff brought his elbow down hard on the man’s forearm, forcing him to relinquish his grip on the rocket launcher. Geoff kicked it out of reach and went for his gun, but the man brought his knee up directly into Geoff’s gut. Geoff wheezed and bent over in pain, and the man rolled them over so that now he was the one on top, using his knees to lock Geoff’s legs firmly in place. Geoff punched him square in the face and felt the nose break against his fist. The man swore and put a hand to his bleeding face, and Geoff used the opportunity to flip his opponent onto his back, whipping out a hidden knife at his leg and holding it to the man’s throat.

“Where’s Simeon?” Geoff snarled, pressing the knife harshly against the man’s neck.

“I don’t know!” the man squirmed under the pressure from the knife, his eyes bugging out of his head. “I’ve never even seen the bossman. He never makes contact with any of us directly!”

“If you’re trying to fuck around with me--”

“I’m not! I swear! Simeon isn’t here. Lamar is the one you want! He’s acting under Simeon’s orders!”

“Which one’s Lamar?”

“The red-headed guy. He’s head of operations around here. He’s the one who told us to nab the Free kid!”

“You were a part of that?” Geoff’s tone was light, as though he were only mildly curious about the answer, but the trapped man began to panic even more.

“I-I only drove the v-van! I never laid a f-f-finger on him!”

“Good,” Geoff said, putting away the knife. The man clutched at his neck, breathing heavily. When he looked up, Geoff shot him in the forehead. The man dropped to the ground and Geoff rushed past him, diving behind one of the overturned trucks for cover.

“Simeon is not in the building!” he shouted into the comm. “I repeat, Simeon is not here! We need to grab Gavin and get out!”

“I’ve almost got a clear path into the factory!” Michael said. “If I can get in, I can find him while you guys keep these goons out front busy!”

“Jack! What’s your status?”

“We’re almost there! Ray and I are both in separate vehicles. I’ve got a fire truck and he’s driving in a school bus!”

“I don’t think what I’m doing is technically considered driving!” Ray’s voice came in over the ear piece. “Shit!” he yelled suddenly, and static erupted on his end. A few seconds later he came back on. “Okay, in my defense, it is a stupid fucking idea to put lampposts out in the middle of the highway!”

“Jack, estimated time of arrival!” Geoff said.

“Ten minutes. Maybe less.”

“Make it less.” Geoff switched back to Michael and Ryan. “We’re all going to head for the factory. Jack and Ray will be able to keep them busy out here. Michael, if you’ve got a clear path, start making your way inside now. Ryan, can you cover him?”

“On it!” Ryan answered.

“Go! I’m right behind you guys!”

Geoff jumped out from behind the truck and began running towards the factory. Up ahead, he could see Michael darting out from behind the smoking remains of the AH car in a full-on sprint towards the doors. As he ran, several of Simeon’s men tried to gun him down, but Ryan aimed well and they all dropped before they could lay a hand on the young lad. Geoff saw him enter the building only a few seconds before Michael’s voice on the comm confirmed it.

“I’m in! The building’s entrance is clear for now, hurry up!”

“Ryan, sit tight for a sec, I’m almost at your location!”

Geoff ran as fast as he could towards the AH car, the few surviving members of Simeon’s gang in pursuit. When he was nearly there, he heard a shout on his right, followed by a grunt and a soft _thump_. This was succeeded by two more _thumps_ on his left.

“You’re clear, Geoff, keep moving!” Ryan shouted. Geoff booked it the remaining few yards and threw himself behind the car where Ryan was crouched.

“How many left?” Geoff wheezed through his over-strained lungs.

“Only two more it looks like. We can take them out and then waltz on into the building.”

Geoff and Ryan peered through the broken windows of the car, sighting their targets. With a couple of shots, they managed to drop the two remaining men. Silence fell. The flaming wrecks of several cars lit up the darkening grounds as the sun finished its descent below the horizon.

“Michael, you there?” Geoff buzzed on the comm.

“Yeah, still waiting by the entrance.”

“Ryan and I are coming to you. Wait for us.”

“Copy that.”

“Uhhh, Geoff?”

Geoff looked over to see Ryan staring out at something at the far-side of the factory. There was a mixed look of incredulity and fear on his face.

“What is it?” Geoff followed his gaze until he too could see what had caught the Mad King’s attention. Geoff prided himself on his coolness in the face of adversity, but when he saw what was approaching from around the corner of the building, he nearly shit his pants.

“Michael?”

“Yeah, Geoff?”

“You might want to go on ahead of us, buddy. I think Ryan and I are going to be here for awhile.”

“What’s going on?”

“Simeon really isn’t holding back this time,” Ryan said in awe.

“Makes me wish we’d made a trip to the military base too,” Geoff said.

“So what are we going to do?”

 

“Geoff? Geoff! Ryan? Hello?” Michael yelled into his comm piece. What the hell was going on out there? He hurried over to a nearby window and, raising himself to his toes, peered through the dirty glass to see what was outside.

“Holy _fuck_ ,” he whispered.

Making their way across the grounds were two enormous tanks. They rolled over the crushed cars and the bodies of the fallen as they made their steady way into the middle of the lawn, in the center of the fight. If Geoff or Ryan made a move from behind the shelter of the car, they would be instantly annihilated. They were trapped.

Michael didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to just leave them there, but on the other hand, what the fuck was he going to do against two tanks?

“Michael,” Geoff’s voice came in over the comm, sounding unbelievably calm in spite of the situation. “Listen to me, I want you to go look for Gavin.”

“But--”

“No buts. You can’t do anything out here except get blown to bits and you know it. Jack and Ray are on their way with the vehicles--”

“Which won’t do shit against a pair of tanks!”

“--but will give us the opportunity to make a fast getaway. So find Gavin, get him out, and we can outdrive those tanks and lose them before we make it downtown.”

Michael growled and slammed his fist against the wall. It hurt, and didn’t do anything to make him feel better.

“Fine, but you guys better not get blown up before I get back!”

“Deal. Now go.”

With one final look outside, Michael turned and began to search the factory. Somewhere in here, Gavin was waiting, and the sooner he got him out, the sooner they could all go home.


	7. Rescue

Inside his locked room, Gavin could hear the muffled sounds of explosions and gunshots. Out there, his friends were risking their lives for him while he was stuck inside as the damsel in distress. It really pissed him off.

He had to get out of here and help them. The ropes around his wrists were already too tight to pull at anymore, but maybe he could break the chair. Gavin attempted to stand up, chair and all, but that didn’t work so instead he began rocking back and forth, hoping to smash the chair onto the ground. Instead, he toppled over and hit his shoulder, the one the tattooed man had been wailing on, hard. Now he was stuck lying on his side, still tied to the chair, and in extreme pain.

“Bugger my _arse_.”

Gavin wiggled, hoping to at least roll onto his back, but with no success.

“Bollocks! Bollocks! Bollocks!”

“Oi!” he cried to the guard standing outside his cell. “Let me out of here, you dumb bastard! You smarmy git! You, you, shit-stained stick of sausage!”

Unsurprisingly, the guard made no move to open the door. Gavin continued to spew expletives, venting his frustration and adding a few new insults to his unique vocabulary. Outside, the noise had stilled, which Gavin hoped meant that the gang had taken care of Simeon’s men and were on their way to get him. He feared it would be the opposite. As the minutes dragged on, the silence became even more unbearable than the ruckus had been. Gavin was dying to know what had happened but all he could do was lie there with the weight of his body pressing his injured shoulder onto the hard concrete floor.

Suddenly, he heard a shout on the other side of the door, followed by several gunshots, then silence. Gavin watched as the locked doorknob started to move, and could just make out someone cursing on the other side as they tried to open it. He heard a quiet “fuck it” and then whoever it was shot the lock off altogether. The door swung open and Gavin saw Michael standing there, out of breath, sweating, and covered in dirt, but with an enormous grin on his face.

“Hey, boi! Ready to get out of here?”

Even though he felt his lip split in the process, Gavin smiled widely at the sight of his friend.

“God, yes!”

Michael shouldered his gun and hurried over to him. He righted Gavin’s toppled chair and then whipped out a switchblade and set to work cutting at the bindings around Gavin’s wrists. As he worked, Michael kept stealing looks at Gavin’s beaten and bloody appearance, his expression holding both concern and something a bit darker.

“They did this to you?” he said quietly.

“Well I didn’t bloody well do it to myself,” Gavin muttered.

He expected Michael to make a joke about how he could totally believe Gavin _would_ do that to himself with his inherent clumsiness and spastic behavior, but he didn’t.

“What took you so long?” Gavin asked, trying to goad Michael into a lighter mood.

“Slight hiccup in the plan,” Michael said as the ropes fell away. Gavin rubbed at his wrists as Michael helped him to his feet. “We weren’t expecting the tanks.”

 

“Goddam motherfucking cocksuckers!”

Geoff dived out of the way as yet another explosion barely missed him. The only advantage he had over the tank was that it was slower than he was, but as Geoff began to run out of steam, that advantage was rapidly diminishing.

He had been separated from Ryan when the tanks started firing, and the constant explosions meant he could barely hear anything over the comm. He hoped Ryan was still alive, but knew that neither of them stood a chance for very much longer. They were running out of objects to hide behind, although the shells had kicked up so much dirt when they ripped through the ground that there was a thin haze of dust that provided a meager cover.

The ringing in Geoff’s ears threatened to tear his brain apart. He couldn’t think or stop to recuperate because if he did the tank would just fire again. He had to keep moving.

But he couldn’t keep this up forever.

Glancing over, Geoff saw that the other tank was firing in the opposite direction, which told him that Ryan was far away over there, in a very similar predicament. They had used up all their explosives, and even if they could get close enough to attach a few stickies to the side of one of the tanks, it wouldn’t be enough to take the vehicle down. They were outmatched, outfought, and shit out of luck.

_WurrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRR!_

Out of nowhere, a fire truck burst into sight, crashing through what remained of the fence and barreling towards the tanks, its lights flashing and its siren wailing into the night. The driver activated the hose on top, slamming the tank closest to Geoff with several hundred gallons of water. It wouldn’t be enough to take the military weapon out, but it would keep whoever was in there from firing for the time being.

“Geoff, get on!” Jack’s voice came in over the comm. He was probably shouting but it sounded much quieter thanks to Geoff’s still ringing ears. He heard it though, and sprinted for the fire truck, which didn’t let up its assault on the tank.

“Jack you beautiful bastard!” Geoff cried as he jumped into the passenger’s seat. “Right in the fucking nick of time, dude!”

“Ray’s just behind me. He’s not used to driving a large vehicle like that, but once he gets here we can all hop on board his bus and get out of here.”

“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day, man.”

With the pressure from the fire hose keeping the tank still, things finally settled down enough for Geoff to be able to hear himself think. More importantly, he could hear what was being said on the comm system clearly again, and what buzzed into his ear blew what Jack had just said out of the water.

“This is Michael. I’ve got Gavin. He’s a bit beaten up but otherwise fine. Repeat, Gavin is safe.”

Next to him, Jack let out a cheer and pumped his fist into the air. Geoff could hear the faint voices of Ryan and Ray as they let out similar exclamations of joy and relief. Geoff buried his face in his hands, allowing himself a moment to just let it sink in. Gavin was fine. He was safe. They had gotten him back.

It began as a quiet chuckle. A low snicker that slowly built and built until it became the high-pitched, cancer-curing laughter the gang had not heard since they found out Gavin had been taken. That laughter invigorated them all, easing the ache and exhaustion from their bones and giving them the strength they needed to keep going. When Geoff stopped, he had the biggest smile on his face and a fresh gleam in his eyes.

“Michael, you and Gav need to get back to the entrance, but don’t come out yet. The tanks are still here and causing havoc. Jack, keep your hoses trained on that tank. As soon as Ray gets here with the bus, we’re all going to make a break for him. Ryan, do your best to maneuver your way over to us, without being seen. If you’re still pinned down we’ll come and get you. We’re going to get out of this, boys, and when we get back home, the booze is on me!”

They all cheered, re-energized. The full AH Crew was united once more, and when that happened, no one and nothing in all of Los Santos could stop them.


	8. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter out of the whole thing. I actually wrote half of it back in May--time really does fly.
> 
> As always, thanks everyone who left a comment, kudos, or just enjoyed reading this. :)

“What do you mean you’re lost? You just came this way!”

“Every hallway in this place looks the fucking same, give me a break! You’ve been here all day. How come you don’t know your way around?”

“I’ve been locked in that room the whole time, you donut! They didn’t exactly give me the grand tour!”

“Shit, we passed this already,” Michael said, peering around a corner. “This place is way too fucking huge.”

“Just follow the sounds of the explosions,” Gavin said.

“Yeah, no shit. But we’re close enough to them that it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where they are. Plus this place is like a maze. Who designed this factory, Escher?”

“But we don’t need to go up any staircases, Michael.”

“Shut the fuck up, Gavin.”

Michael paused and held a hand to his ear, listening to something being said over the comm. 

“We’re somewhere on the east side of the building,” he said into the piece. “But we’re having trouble getting back to the entrance.” He paused again and listened to whoever was talking on the other end, nodding slightly.

“Got it,” he said, turning to Gavin. “Jack’s holding off one of the tanks with the fire truck for now, and Ray should be here any minute with the getaway vehicle. Once he arrives, we need to get the fuck out of here before we’re all blown up.”

“That would be a lot easier if we could find the bloody front door!”

“Hey!”

Gavin and Michael turned around and were greeted by the sight of six of Simeon’s men approaching them from down the hallway, all with their guns out and pointed at the lads.

“It’s Free and Jones!” one of the men yelled. “Shoot them on sight!”

“ _Leg it!_ ” Gavin bellowed, and he and Michael took off around the corner and down another hallway, Simeon’s men in close pursuit.

“How’d they find us?” Gavin yelled as they ducked through an open doorway and came out into a large room filled with run-down conveyor belts and dusty packing boxes.

“Well maybe if someone wasn’t fucking making so much noise, we wouldn’t have been spotted!” Michael yelled back.

“What are you on about? You’re making more noise than I am!”

“You’re the one who was fucking screaming!”

“So were you!”

Michael pulled Gavin to the side, vaulting over a low-running conveyor belt in a full-on sprint towards another door that Gavin hoped would lead them towards the main entrance. Behind them, Simeon’s men had entered the room and were not holding back with their bullets.

“C’mon, c’mon!” Michael yelled, reaching the far wall and yanking the door open. He and Gavin darted inside, pulling it shut behind them. They had entered a small office, cleared of everything except the desk and a metal filing cabinet. There were no other doors that led out of the place.

“Shit!” Michael said, looking around. Shouts from the main room told them that Simeon’s men were fast-approaching. “Here, Gavin, help me with this!” Michael ran forward and started pushing at the filing cabinet. Gavin helped him and together they dragged the metal block against the door, forming a make-shift barricade.

“What do we do now, Michael?” Gavin asked.

“I don’t know. Shit, shit, shit.” Michael paced the floor of the tiny office, running his fingers through his curly hair in frustration. Gavin scanned the room, hoping at any second that some idea would pop into his mind that would get them out of this mess. As his eyes passed over the far wall, they landed on a square metal grill in the corner.

“The vent! Michael, the vent!”

“What?”

“We can climb out through the air vent, drop out into the hallway while these nuts are hammering on the door, and scamper before they’re any wiser!”

Michael let out a huge _whoosh_ of air and smiled.

“Gav, you’re a genius.”

“Well, you know,” Gavin puffed his chest out, proud of himself for his ingenious plan. Michael rolled his eyes and poked Gavin in the ribs, deflating him.

“Shut up, you’re still a piece of shit. C’mon, let’s push this desk over into the corner so we can reach.”

Together they pushed the wooden desk across the floor. Luckily, it wasn’t very heavily, so they managed to get it into place with only a little effort. Michael climbed on top and started fumbling with the screws holding the cover in place, using his knife as a make-shift screwdriver. Gavin watched him nervously while Simeon’s men began banging on the other side of the door, jolting the filing cabinet they’d put up against it.

“Hurry up, Michael!”

“I’m fucking going, and your hand squeezing my ankle is not fucking helping!” Michael had removed three out of four screws, but the last one had rusted badly, making it difficult to twist.

“Michael!”

“Why is it always the last fucking one?”

Sharp bursts of sound from the other side told the boys that the men had giving up pounding at the door and were now attempting to shoot it open.

“Fucking _move_!”

With one final wrench, the screw fell out and the vent cover came crashing down. Michael yanked Gavin up onto the desk and practically shoved him into the ventilation shaft. Gavin was little more than a twig, so he knew he was easy to lift, but he squawked uncomfortably when Michael accidentally jammed his knees against the edge of the shaft.

“Ow, watch it! Why didn’t you go first?”

“I’m the one with the gun, remember? Someone’s gotta cover our asses. Now shut up and get crawling!”

Gavin shambled forward a few feet, but didn’t want to go any further until he knew Michael was inside with him too. He didn’t have enough room to turn, so he craned his neck to try and see the entrance to the office. Michael’s head popped into view as he hauled himself over the edge. He was having trouble getting a strong enough grip on the smooth metal to use as leverage to pull himself up, so Gavin backtracked a bit to help him.

“Grab my leg, Michael!”

Michael latched on, seizing him at the ankle. Gavin pulled his leg forward as Michael used it to climb safely into the vent. At that moment, Gavin was grateful that most of the tattooed man’s attentions had been on his upper body. His shoulder was still throbbing like mad.

“Go! Go! Go!” Michael yelled, and Gavin started shuffling down the shaft, the metal clanging each time it came into contact with his hands and knees. Michael was right behind him, swearing softly as if on reflex. Gavin looked ahead, and saw that the shaft spilt into two directions, right and left.

“Which way do you think we should go?” he asked.

“Fuck, uh . . .” There was a pause as Michael thought about it. “We were on the east side of the building, then those goons chased us over to the left--”

A loud _bang!_ behind them told Michael and Gavin that Simeon’s men had finally broken through their barricade.

“Never mind, just pick a direction, any direction!” Michael yelled. Gavin hated having to make snap decisions on things that were this important, but he ground his teeth and headed left, Michael following closely behind.

They crawled down the shaft as quickly as they could in the cramped space, until a square of slotted light told Gavin they were nearing an exit. The metal panels beneath him gave way to another vent cover and peering down, Gavin could see a deserted hallway below.

“We can get out through here,” he said.

“Can you get the vent open?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, hang on,” Gavin wrapped his fingers around the thin, metal slats and pulled. Surprisingly, the cover wasn’t bolted to the shaft and came off easily.

“Do you reckon it’s safe to go out?” Gavin asked.

“I don’t know,” Michael said. “I don’t hear them crawling after us, which means they probably went around to block off all entrances to the vents. If the hallway is clear, we should get out and get moving as soon as possible.”

“Right.” Gavin peered through the hole. “Uhh, how should I get out?”

“Just jump, stupid.”

“Aren’t we too high up?”

“Jump or I’ll push you through headfirst.”

Gavin swung his legs into the opening and maneuvered himself until he was sitting on the edge. He tried to lower himself gradually until he was hanging by his fingers, but the strain was too much on his injured shoulder so he lost his grip and fell hard onto his butt.

“Christ, that hurt,” he whined, rolling over onto his side.

“Move out of the way, I’m coming down.”

Gavin scooted over to the wall as Michael jumped out of the shaft, landing far more gracefully than he had. Gavin got to his feet as Michael scanned the area.

“So, remember how I had no idea where we were like ten minutes ago?”

“Yeah.”

“Well now I _really_ have no idea where we are.”

“Dammit!” Gavin shouted. “How in buggering hell do we get out of here?”

“Wait, what? Ray, say that again.”

“I’m Gavin, you dope.”

“Gavin, shut up. What, Ray?” Michael was focused on his ear comm now, listening to something that was being said. “Dude, I can’t understand you for fuck, speak slower.”

Gavin peered anxiously down the empty hallway.

“Michael, we should really get moving--”

“Motherfucker!” Michael suddenly yanked the comm piece from his ear and held it away from him. Gavin could hear the faint sounds of someone screaming over the radio. Then a yell that was static-y but distinct.

“CAN’T STOP THE BUS!”

The hallway in front of them exploded. Concrete and plaster went everywhere, striking the walls, ceiling, and floor and narrowly missing Michael and Gavin. When the dust finally settled, they saw that a bus had broken through the outer wall and was lodged halfway through. Coughing, Michael and Gavin approached it cautiously. The front doors swung open and they saw Ray sitting in the driver’s seat, looking shockingly caucasian with all the blood drained from his face.

“Need a lift?” he joked, already getting himself back under control.

“Ho-ly fuck, Ray,” Michael said, caught between laughing and coughing in the plaster-filled air.

“What? What?” Gavin’s voice shot up at least two octaves. “Where the hell did you get a bloody school bus from?”

“Oh, you know,” Ray shrugged as Michael and Gavin clambered aboard. “Geoff though it would be a nice touch. Jack was supposed to drive it, but he’s a little occupied right now. Hey, watch the suit!” he added quickly as Michael and Gavin, who were both covered with debris, brushed past him.

“Well, let’s get the fuck out of Dodge then,” Michael said. “Here, Gav,” he reached behind one of the seats where Jack and Ray had loaded up the vehicle with weapons and pulled out a Tommy. Gavin squealed and snatched at it, sticking his upper torso out of the window and holding his gun out at an angle.

“We look absolutely top,” he said.

“Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times,” Ray said, shifting the bus into reverse. “Geoff will kill me if your head gets lopped off by a wall.”


	9. Everything Explodes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Nine! Otherwise known as the action sequence that would never end. Seriously, I tried to end this thing at least twice but it just kept going. Still, I think I've written a scene that would make Michael Bay proud, regardless of the lack of boobs. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy. Only about three more chapters left!

Given the opportunity, Ray was fairly certain that he could never successfully pass an official driver’s test, but he knew enough to drive on the right side of the road, stop at traffic lights, and try not to hit any pedestrians. He didn’t always obey these laws, but he could, if he so chose, drive a car in a fairly legal manner.

Ray had never driven a school bus before though.

The experience was quite different from driving a car. For starters, buses were fucking long. Ray kept forgetting that he needed to give himself more room to turn, and inevitably ended up running over the curb or hitting something. Consequently, the back of the bus was all smashed up. Buses also did not move as quickly as he was used to, which is why he had gotten there so far behind Jack, who had managed to get the hang of his large vehicle much quicker than Ray had. Goodie for him.

The last thing about driving a bus that Ray didn’t like was that once you got some momentum going, it was difficult to stop. Hence the head-on collision with the side of the factory. Fortunately, the old building’s walls proved to be much less hardy than his bus.

Now that he had secured Michael and Gavin, Ray’s job was to make his way to the gents, pick them all up, and get them quickly out of range of the tanks, a task he would most likely leave to Jack once he got on board. It had seemed simple enough at the time, but Ray hadn’t counted on the ground being torn to shreds by incessant tank fire. That meant he had to do a lot of swerving as he made his way around to the front, and given the aforementioned difficulties, not all four tires were on the ground the whole time. Under the circumstances though, Ray thought he was doing fairly well.

Michael and Gavin were less impressed by his driving. 

“You’re going to kill us all!” Michael yelled, gripping the seat in front of him so hard he was starting to tear holes in it.

“Jes-us Chriiiist!” Gavin shrieked.

Alright, so maybe he was scared shitless. It’s not like he’d asked for this assignment.

“Sure, let the unlicensed Puerto Rican drive the bus!” Ray shouted as he yanked the steering wheel hard to the right, swerving around a still-burning car. “Great idea, Geoff!”

 

Now that the lads were on their way to pick them up, it was time for the gents to reunite. Geoff and Jack were still in the fire truck, fending off one of the tanks.

“Where’s Ryan?” Jack asked.

“I’m not sure,” Geoff said. “I think he’s over there, where the other tank is--uh-oh.”

Jack looked over and followed Geoff’s gaze.

“Shit.”

The other tank, which had been hunting after Ryan, was now turning away to face the bigger threat presented by the fire truck. And with Jack preoccupied with keeping the first tank at bay, there was nothing they could do as the barrel of the second tank’s gun swiveled around to face them.

“We will not survive a blast from that thing,” Geoff said with certainty.

“But if I move, this tank here will shoot us instead,” Jack said.

“We could try making a run for it.”

“I don’t think we’d clear the fire truck in time, the explosion would be too great.”

“So, basically, we’re fucking dead as dicks.”

“Basically, yeah.”

The two gents watched as their death approached them on treaded wheels. Suddenly, the tank stopped moving for a moment, and they thought they saw some movement near its top, but it was difficult to make out.

“Is that . . .?”

A shadowy figure had climbed on top of the second tank, lifted up its cover, and was now pulling out the driver. The figure flung the driver bodily from the tank and hopped inside. There was a few seconds pause, then the figure clambered back out again and started sprinting towards them. As he got nearer, Geoff and Jack were able to confirm that it was indeed Ryan, who began waving and yelling at them.

“Back up, back up, back up, back up!”

Geoff understood a half-second before Jack did.

“Hit the reverse!” he yelled while opening the door. Jack shifted but waited just long enough for Ryan to hop on board before slamming his foot down on the gas pedal and launching them all backwards. Geoff yanked Ryan inside the truck as they retreated. It was a miracle they didn’t crash into any newly-blown ditches or debris from destroyed vehicles. But fire trucks didn’t move nearly as fast as regular vehicles, especially in reverse.

“Ryan, how long before--” Geoff began to ask before his question was answered for him by a humongous explosion bursting out from within the second tank. Fire and bits of metal radiated outwards, striking the fire truck and making them all feel like roasted slabs of meat. One particularly large piece that looked like it came from a wheel knocked their windshield so hard it left a giant spiderweb of cracks all along its surface. In a few seconds, it was over. Small fires dotted the grounds, but was prevented from spreading because the water from the fire truck had already soaked the area. Geoff, Jack, and Ryan stared out of the cracked windshield. Even the other tank seemed frozen in astonishment, though unfortunately it had withstood the brunt of the blast.

“Well, that’s one way to take down a tank,” Jack said.

“Destroy it from the inside,” Ryan said. “Like a bean burrito wrecking havoc on your digestive system.”

“Focus, morons,” Geoff said. “We still have one tank left.”

Right on cue, the remaining tank returned to life, swiveling its gun barrel so that it was once again pointed directly at them.

“Jack,” Geoff said.

“On it.” Jack activated the hose on the roof.

Nothing happened.

“The fuck are you waiting for?” Geoff shouted.

“It’s not working!” Jack yelled back. The hose was functioning fine, but nothing was coming out.

They were out of water.

“How is this thing out of water?” Geoff said. “It’s a goddamn fire truck!”

“It’s not an unlimited water supply! We’d have to be hooked up to a hydrant for that!”

“Fuck, what else could possibly go wrong?”

“Uhh, guys?” Ryan said, staring out at the approaching tank. “This is about to be a very bad place to be. All in favor of bailing out and running for our lives?”

“Seconded,” Jack said, already yanking on the door handle.

“Motion passed,” Geoff said, pushing at Ryan’s back to try and get him out faster. “Abandon truck!”

The gents leapt from the doomed vehicle and sprinted in opposite directions, trying to get as much distance as possible. Jack jumped behind a wrecked car and Geoff and Ryan threw themselves into a ditch just as the tank fired.

Whatever hearing they had retained was destroyed completely when the missile made contact. Now, flaming bits of fire truck were mixed in with the piles of tank parts. The entire yard, which had been vacant when they first arrived, now looked like a run-down junkyard. On fire.

Geoff, Jack, and Ryan knew they were finished. They had no effective weapons, no truck, and a tank with seemingly unlimited ammo. They were absolutely fucked.

“Why didn’t you take out the other tank while you were inside one of them?” Geoff shouted at Ryan. Ryan grimaced.

“Yeah, that probably would have been a smart idea.”

“You fucking think so?”

“Hey, like your ideas have always been perfect! Remember when you didn’t bother to kill the clerk during Jack’s heist and he shot you in the back?”

“Oh, you want to talk about fucking up in the middle of a heist--”

“Geoff! Ryan! Are you guys okay?” Jack’s voice came in over the comm.

“We’re alive,” Geoff said. “But we’re gonna need a fucking miracle to get out of this one, boys.”

Then, suddenly, that miracle came in the form of an incredibly freaked-out Puerto Rican driving a plaster-and-debris-covered school bus. Horn blaring, the bus erupted onto the scene. The gents could just make out Ray’s screaming face behind the wheel. The bus jerked to a stop behind the ruins of the fire truck, and Michael poked his head out one of the windows.

“All aboard the bus to Let’s-fucking-get-out-of-heresville!”

The gents didn’t stop to marvel at the lads’ incredible timing. They bolted for the bus, clambering through the folding doors, up the steps, and into safety.

“We gotta move fast or that tank is gonna be on our asses!” Geoff said.

“No problem,” Michael jerked his thumb over to the other side of the bus. “Gavin’s keeping it busy.”

Gavin was standing on the seat with his torso out the window, holding a rocket launcher up against his shoulder.

“Take that, you bastards!” he yelled as he fired rocket after rocket. It certainly wasn’t enough to do any serious damage, although he might manage to put a dent in it after fifty or so shots. But it kicked up enough dirt and smoke that the driver couldn’t get a clear shot at them. It was only a matter of time, though, before he just decided to fire at random and hope he’d get a hit.

“Jack, we need to get out of here,” Geoff said, though his eyes were on Gavin. Jack nodded and, with a brief smile in Gavin’s direction, went to unglue Ray from the driver’s seat. “Michael, Ryan, can you each grab something that explodes and take over for Gavin?”

Michael and Ryan immediately went to pick out some weapons from the small stash Ray had stored there. Michael grabbed another rocket launcher while Ryan opted for a handful of sticky bombs. They went over to where Gavin was still firing at the tank, oblivious to what was going on. Ryan gently touched his back and Gavin ducked back inside. Ryan squeezed his arm briefly and smiled.

“Good to have you back, Gavin.”

Gavin grinned, then looked over and saw Geoff watching him. He jumped down from the seat and crossed into the aisle. Behind him, Michael and Ryan stuck their heads out of the windows and continued to serve as distractions. Jack had removed Ray from the wheel and was coaxed him into one of the front seats. Geoff reached out and gripped Gavin by the shoulders. When Gavin winced at the contact, Geoff immediately let go. He took in Gavin’s split lip, his messed-up clothes and the shiner that was beginning to form under his right eye. Geoff’s eyes narrowed and he breathed heavily through his nose.

“We should have come sooner,” he said.

“Better late than never, I suppose,” Gavin said quietly. Geoff enveloped him in a hug, careful to avoid his injured shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re safe, buddy,” he said. Gavin hugged him back. When they pulled apart, Geoff was all business again.

“Jack, if you could get us out of here, that would be fan-fucking-tastic.”

“Hold on to something,” Jack said, and slammed the gas pedal into the floor. The bus lurched forward, swerving around the makeshift shield provided by the remains of the fire truck. Geoff and Gavin clung to the backs of the bus seats to keep themselves from falling over.

“Shit!” Michael yelled, and Gavin jumped over to grab him by the back of his jacket before he toppled out of the window.

“Thanks, boi!” Michael said as Gavin pulled him inside to safety.

“Ryan, you better come back in too,” Geoff said. “You won’t be able to get a good angle on that tank anyway, and we can’t stop if you go overboard.”

Ryan ducked back into the bus. Now it was just a matter of Jack being able to get the bus up to enough speed to get out of the tank’s range. He was the best driver out of them all by far, but even he was having a tough time given the immense wreckage he had to weave in and out of. But they were almost at the fence bordering the property, and escape seemed to be in sight.

That’s when the tank fired one last missile.

The boys didn’t even register what had happened at first. Suddenly, the bus had taken on an extra bout of speed, launching them forwards. It was only when the vehicle began to go vertical as well as horizontal that they understood they had been hit. Jack wrestled with the wheel, but there was nothing he could do with all four tires spinning uselessly off the ground. The air smelled like burnt rubber and metal. They were maybe in the air for a grand total of six seconds, just long enough for Geoff and Gavin to exchange a few last words.

“What do you think the odds are that we’ll land this jump again?”

“ _Again_?”

Then the bus began to fall.

The impact with the ground was sudden, harsh, and most certainly not as lucky as last time. When the bus touched down it rolled, flipping over twice before landing on its side. Every window had been shattered, including the front windshield, the rear exit had been completely destroyed, and the back tires were shredded. At long last, silence descended upon the area. The tank no longer fired, nothing moved, nobody made a sound.

“Ouuuuuuuuch.”

“Urghhh.”

“Motherfucking shi-hi-hiiit.”

“Goddamn _owww_.”

“Coooocks.”

“Bloody bollocking _bollocks_.”

Whether it was a miracle or the big guy up top had a soft spot for the Achievement Hunters, they all survived the crash. They didn’t emerge unscathed though. Ryan and Geoff had both banged their heads fairly hard on the ceiling when the bus first flipped over, and Michael and Gavin had numerous little cuts from shards of flying glass. Ray had had a death grip on his seat the entire time, though his proximity to the front gave him two very bruised knee caps from being knocked against the divider separating him from the driver. As the only person who had had his seatbelt on, Jack had perhaps been the most uninjured, but he was sporting a deep cut over his left eyebrow from a piece of broken windshield glass.

For a whole ten minutes, nobody moved a muscle other than what they needed to groan and voice various choice swear words. Geoff was the first to recover his wits.

“Sound out if you’re not fucking dead.”

“Can I get back to you on that?” Jack said.

“My whole body is in pain,” Michael moaned.

“I’ve been in crashes before, but this one wins the grand prize,” Ryan said.

“I am never not wearing a seat belt again,” Ray said.

Geoff looked over to Gavin, who was lying half in the middle of the aisle and half on top of Michael underneath the seat. The boy wasn’t moving.

“Gav?” Geoff said.

“Motherfucking get _off_ ,” Michael said, shoving at Gavin’s head. Gavin groaned and rolled off him, holding his head in his hands.

“I’d like to go back to being tortured now, please,” he said. Geoff breathed a sigh of relief, and his heart rate finally started to slow down.

“Now what?” Jack asked.

That question was answered by a voice from outside of the bus.

“End of the line. Those of you who are still alive, come out now. Try anything and you’re dead!”

“What should we do? Try to fight them off?” Michael asked Geoff.

“There’s got to be a reason they’re not finishing us off right now,” Geoff said, pulling himself to his feet. “Fuck. Let’s go along with it for now. It might just buy us a few extra minutes.”

“Then what?” Gavin said.

“I don’t fucking know,” Geoff said. “It’s someone else’s turn to come up with a goddamn plan.”

“Last chance! If you’re not dead, get out of there or we’ll come in and make you dead!”

“I hate it when B-grade henchmen try to be witty,” Ryan said.

The gang helped each other to their feet and exited the bus through the emergency door, limping straight into the waiting guns. Geoff wasn’t sure how much time surrendering would buy them, but if they didn’t come up with something quick, it wasn’t going to be very long at all.


	10. All Good Things Must End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more to go!

As far as rescue missions went, theirs wasn’t going very well. In fact, having been recaptured, stripped of their weapons, and tied up in a row with half a dozen guns trained at their heads, one could say things had rather gone to shit.

They had been placed in the conveyor belt room Gavin and Michael had run into briefly while trying to escape. Gavin saw that the door to the office they had barricaded had been shot full of holes and was lying off its hinges.

“Jesus Christ, how many of you guys _are_ there?” Michael said, staring at the line of pointed guns. “Do they rent you out from Goons-R-Us?”

“Good help can be hard to find,” a voice said from behind the men. Two of them stepped aside and Spikes emerged to face them. “Fortunately, mediocre assistance is in plentiful supply.”

Gavin stiffened, his shoulder throbbing. He looked around and sure enough, he spotted the tattooed man off to the side, leaning against a stack of boxes.

“Judging from that ridiculous haircut,” Geoff said, smiling, “you’re either Lamar or Knuckles the Hedgehog.”

“Echidna,” Ray piped up.

Lamar smiled without showing any teeth.

“Pleasure to meet you at last, Mr. Ramsey,” he said, crossing over to stand directly in front of Geoff. “It’s a shame we won’t have long to get to know each other, but as I’m sure Mr. Free here can testify, I don’t need a lot of time to learn all sorts of things about someone.”

Geoff was no longer smiling. He stared Lamar down, his eyes cold. He appeared to be perfectly calm, but Gavin knew Geoff, and he could tell that the man was seething with rage.

“The way I hear it, you’re the one who’s been in charge of this operation.”

Lamar acknowledged this statement with a nod and a little bow.

“The orders may have come from Simeon, but I am the master of ceremonies.”

“I am going to bash your fucking skull in until that shriveled grape you call a brain leaks out onto the floor.”

Lamar blinked, then turned away from Geoff. He began to pace slowly down the row, assessing each of them. He didn’t seem impressed with what he saw.

“I’ll admit, you guys are even crazier than I gave you credit for,” he said. “The tanks were actually meant for another job, and it’s going to be a pain in the ass to acquire another to replace the one you blew up. And you guys are _creative_. When I first saw that school bus driving around the front yard, I thought I was high as a helium-filled bouncy house. You make things interesting, even if you are incredibly predictable.”

“What are you on about?” Gavin said. Lamar turned his attention to him.

“I told you when we first met, Free,” Lamar said. “You were the worm we needed to lure Ramsey to the hook. We knew he would come after you, and probably use up all his available ammunition to make a grand show out of it. Honestly, we expected him to get here sooner, but we didn’t count on him shooting the one guy who was supposed to give him directions.”

Lamar leaned in close. Gavin could smell mints on the man’s breath.

“You personally helped gift-wrap your friends and send them off to their deaths.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Chuckie,” Geoff said. “You haven’t killed us yet.”

“A technicality that, believe me, I am eager to correct,” Lamar said. “But before that happy moment arrives, there were certain bits of information Simeon pressed upon me to extract from the collective thorn in his side.”

“My favorite color is red and I like long walks in the rain. Also I fucking hate snakes,” Geoff said. “Is that helpful?”

“I’m more curious to know about your ‘professional’ life, for lack of a better term. Simeon is, above all, a business man. And you and your men have been very bad for business as of late. Simeon is very curious to learn just how far your organization stretches, as well as the exact nature of your relationship with the RT mob in Austin.”

“Man, you really like to hear yourself talk,” Ryan said. “Bit of advice, as a professional torturer, the victim isn’t going to spill his guts if you don’t shut up long enough to let him get in a sentence.”

“We’re not sharing any information with you,” Geoff said. “Quit wasting all of our time.”

“I’ve already got the big picture, thanks to our mutual friend here.” He flashed a sideways grin at Gavin. “All we had to do was rough him up a little bit and he was singing like a bird. I just need you to fill in the blanks.”

“You goddamn liar!” Gavin shouted, struggling against his bonds. “I never told you bollocks!”

“Relax, Gavin, I know this,” Ryan said. “Pretend like one guy has already confessed part of the story so you can trick his buddies into revealing the whole thing. It’s a bit too amateur for my taste, though, and I’m actually insulted you thought it would work on us,” he said to Lamar.

“Ah well, it was worth a shot,” Lamar said, shrugging. “The way I figure it, you six are the heart of this organization. I take you out, the whole thing will fall apart anyway. It would be nice to have the extra know-how, but it’s definitely not important enough to keep you alive.”

“Better be careful, Archie,” Geoff said. “Simeon doesn’t like minions who start to think for themselves.”

“It’s not as if I’m going against what the boss man wants,” Lamar said. “At the end of the day, everyone just wants you dead.”

“You monologue worse than a James Bond villain,” Geoff said. “Simeon is going to owe us a favor when we take you out. As soon as we’re finished here, we’re going to take the fight to him.”

“You think the boss would be dumb enough to come here? He’s halfway around the world, sitting in his luxury yacht while you idiots kill yourselves trying to get to him.”

“Jealous that you’re stuck here doing his dirty work instead of joining Simeon on his pleasure cruise? I bet you wish you were on that yacht right now, you must miss sucking Simeon’s dick all the time.”

Lamar had started out cool and collected, but it was clear to Gavin, the prime expert in pissing people off, that the man was starting to lose control. He clearly had never had prisoners talk back to him like this. Then again, he’d never tried to intimidate the Achievement Hunters before. Annoying the shit out of people is what they did best.

“Does he pay extra for jerk-offs?” Gavin teased. “Is that how you bought your fancy haircut?”

Gavin already wasn’t in Lamar’s good books from their fruitless interrogation sessions. The man shot Gavin a look of such dislike that Gavin almost faltered.

“Do you guys all just line up in a row waiting to go down on him?” Michael said. He gave Gavin a brief grin and kept at it. “I bet you got this gig in exchange for a really fantastic night.”  

“He’s not the only one who’s had to fuck his way to the top,” Ryan said, making them all howl with laughter. Gavin watched as Lamar’s mouth tightened into a thin line, all former traces of amusement gone.

Michael and Geoff began making obscene gurgling noises with their mouths, mixed in with the occasional moan. It didn’t resemble anything remotely near what a blow job would actually sound like, but they weren’t going for authenticity.

“Enough,” Lamar hissed, but Michael and Geoff only increased the volume, with Ray and Gavin joining in. Lamar’s underlings looked at each other, confused. Gavin had no doubt that they’d never experienced a hostage situation quite like this.

“I said enough!” Lamar yelled. He pulled his gun out from inside his jacket and started pointing it at them, first aiming at Geoff, then Michael, then Ray.

“Now who loses their temper in the middle of threatening their enemies?” Geoff asked.

“Babies!” Michael said.

“Babies,” Geoff echoed.

“Shut up!” Lamar was visibly upset now. He’d clearly had enough of them and was just itching to get them out of his spiky hair. “I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. You are all going to sit there, and watch, as I personally insert a bullet into each and every one of your skulls.” Lamar leaned down and pressed his gun against Gavin’s temple. Geoff spit out a long stream of curses and started to rock violently in his chair. Gavin heard the others’ shouts, but could only think about the feeling of the gun against his skin.

“And you, you brainless, British bastard,” Lamar increased the pressure, so that the barrel would leave a mark on Gavin’s forehead--not that it would be visible for very long after he pulled the trigger, “you have the great pleasure of going first.”

Gavin’s eyes darted around until they met Michael’s immediately to his right. Michael maintained the contact.

“Look at me, Gav,” he said.

Gavin stared at him, all of them, and the image of his friends, bound and helpless, and staring firmly at him, would be the last thing he would ever see.

The sudden explosion that tore through the roof of the warehouse threatened to disprove that notion.

There was an incredible blast of noise as something ripped through the metal beams above them. Luckily the hole wasn’t directly over the guys as large pieces of debris struck the ground with alarming force. It did kick up quite a bit of dust, though, which sent Simeon goons and Achievement Hunters alike into violent coughing fits. When the echoes of the explosion died down, they could all hear whirring blades and a powerful motor in the air above their heads. As the dust began to settle, Gavin looked up to see a Cargobob hovering over the roof and, standing in the open doorway holding a megaphone to her mouth, a certain tenacious red-head who was making good on her threat.

“The cavalry has arrived, bitches!”

Michael burst into loud laughter while the others cheered.

“Is that Lindsay?” Jack shouted.

“You’re goddamn right it is!” Michael cried. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more happy to see your beautiful face, babe!” he shouted up at the Cargobob. Unfortunately with all the noise it looked like Lindsay wasn’t able to hear him. But she got the sentiment and flashed the thumbs up at him. She then raised the megaphone again.

“Bombs away!” she shouted.

At first, Gavin thought she was about to launch another missile or some explosives, which were likely to cause some serious damage to all parties. Then he realized that the “bombs” were actually Kerry and Caleb, who launched themselves out of the helicopter, attached by a harness around their waists. They were each holding a semi-automatic, which they pointed downwards and aimed at Simeon’s men as they drifted to the ground.

The resulting gunfire finally snapped Lamar and his crew out of their shocked stupor. Some of them began to return fire, while others ran for cover. Fortunately, the fight was well out of range for the Crew, although every now and then a stray bullet would whiz past a bit too close for comfort. They struggled to get out of their bindings, but didn’t want to risk knocking themselves over and becoming even more immobile than they already were.

The room was in complete pandemonium. Kerry and Caleb were holding their own against Lamar’s goons, but they were completely exposed in the air and unable to stop shooting long enough make it to the ground. This left the AH Crew stuck tied to their chairs, unable to either run or join in the fight. Lamar was shouting orders while Kerry and Caleb swung around like acrobats, with whoever was piloting the Cargobob moving around just enough to make sure they remained moving targets. Lindsay was doing her part to spread the chaos with a couple of well-aimed shots from what looked suspiciously like a bazooka.

With all the noise, the lads and the gents almost didn’t hear the quiet voice that spoke up from behind them.

“Want to join in on the fun?”

The words came from directly behind Geoff, who tried to crane his neck to see who was behind him.

“Matt?” he asked.

Sure enough, the young man had snuck up to where they were tied up and was working to sever Geoff’s bindings with a pocket knife. Beside him, Jeremy was working on the ropes around Jack’s wrists. In all the commotion, neither Lamar nor his men realized that their prisoners were being freed one by one.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” Geoff asked, as his ropes fell away. Matt and Jeremy were very recent additions to the Crew. A couple of kids from the street who had a bad habit of following the gang around and trying to imitate their stunts. It had seemed fitting--and wise for their own safety--to take them in.

“Lindsay brought us,” Jeremy explained as Matt moved down to release Ray and Ryan. “She said this could be like our initiation.”

“Since when is Lindsay certified to give out orders?” Geoff muttered half-heartedly. Jeremy untied Michael and Gavin and the entire group moved to the back of the room, away from the gun fight. They all crouched down, hidden behind a conveyer belt positioned at waist-level.

“Listen,” Geoff said to Matt and Jeremy, “you guys did a great job getting us out of this mess, but you’re still really new at this and--”

“Lindsay said that once we rescued you to get back into the city,” Matt said. He and Jeremy both looked disappointed to be missing out on the action, but they didn’t argue against it.

“You guys will have your time,” Geoff said reassuringly. “I won’t forget this. Now get the hell out of here.”

Matt and Jeremy nodded and took off the way they had come, running through the side door that led back into the hallway.

“Now then,” Geoff said as the door slammed shut behind them, “first things first: we’re going to need some weapons.”

Jack peeked into the nearest open box.

“Well, if you guys are willing to improvise, we might have something here,” he said. Geoff reached in and pulled a trombone out. Gavin walked over and saw that the box was filled with packing peanuts, through which several other brass instruments were poking out.

“This place must have manufactured instruments for the local schools before it went down,” Jack said.

“I never played in the band at my high school,” Geoff said. “Mostly because it sucked cocks. Still, there’s potential here.”

“Whatever we’re going to do, we better do it fast,” Jack said. “Kerry and Caleb are sitting ducks up there, and Lindsay can’t land the Cargobob in this crowded room.”

“Alright then,” Geoff said. “Spread out, find a musical weapon, and let’s finish this damn thing already.”


	11. Musical Melee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are reaching the end here, folks. Only one more chapter to go!

Geoff and Jack dug through the trombone box while Ryan and Ray snuck around to another area. Michael went with Gavin to the opposite side of the room, using the conveyer belts as cover to avoid attracting attention. As they went, they looked into the stacks of boxes they passed, but Gavin was apparently very picky when it came to using musical instruments as melee weapons.

“No, not the violins, I can’t stand them.”

“You don’t have to _like_ them, idiot, you just need to bash in people’s heads with them.”

“They’re made of _wood_ , you dope. They’ll smash to pieces if you try to use them as bloody clubs.”

“What about these?”

“I guess they could be good if we wanted to shove them up their arseholes. What’s the difference between a clarinet and an oboe anyway?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Michael groaned.

“Ooh, Michael, what about _these_?” Gavin reached into a box and pulled out a set of metal chimes. They ranged in size from a couple of inches to the length of Gavin’s entire arm.

“Those could work,” Michael said, grabbing one of the larger chimes and swinging it around, testing its weight. “I feel like Donatello with this thing.”

“Hey, Michael,” Gavin held out his chime-staff, grinning. “Team Nice Dynamite.” Michael grinned back and crossed his chime with Gavin’s.

“Team Nice Dynamite is fucking back and ready to kick some ass.”

“So how do we know when to go?”

Suddenly, the lads heard a warbled, high-pitched note that made them both wince. A moment later, Jack and Geoff emerged from behind a stack of boxes and charged towards the gunfight.

“I guess we go now,” Michael said.

“Can I just say that this is probably one of the dumbest things we’ve ever done,” Gavin said. “I mean, we’re bringing musical instruments to a gunfight.”

“Don’t worry, Gav, I’ve got your back,” Michael said. “Let’s do this!” Without another word, the two friends leapt into the fray.

 

After sounding the charge, Jack and Geoff ran towards the fight. They caught two of Simeon’s men unawares, striking them on the backs of their heads with the trombone and saxophone they’d picked up. The brass instruments were surprisingly effective in dropping the two men, although they were only good when used with the element of surprise. Jack kept an eye on their surroundings while Geoff made sure the two men wouldn’t get up again. Suddenly, Jack pulled Geoff behind the shelter of a pile of packing boxes just as one of the other men turned and started shooting at him. Now that he was distracted, the man was quickly picked off by a crack shot from Caleb. Or maybe it was Kerry. There was so much commotion going on up there it was hard to tell.

There were only three men left, plus Lamar, from what Jack could see. He had a feeling that Geoff would want to deal with the head honcho personally, so he focused his attention on a henchman who was concentrating his fire on Lindsay up in the Cargobob.

“Hey, over here!” Jack yelled, and swung at the man with his saxophone. Alerted by his shout, the man saw Jack in time and ducked, avoiding being clonked in the head. He grabbed the other end of the saxophone and twisted it sharply, forcing Jack to let go.

“Well, shit,” Jack said. The man tossed the instrument aside and directed his gun on Jack. The feeling of a cool, metal panel against his back told Jack that he had nowhere to go.

“This is going to make my day,” the man said, his finger tightening on the trigger.

“Drums away!”

Jack looked up just in time to see an enormous bass drum fall out of the sky and land directly on his opponent. The drum went straight through the man so that his head popped out on the other side, his arms trapped. He looked so much like a cartoon character that Jack half-expected to see little birdies and stars circling his head. Jack took another glance straight up and spotted Ryan and Ray standing above him on a high-level conveyor belt.

“Shout out to the percussion section!” Ray yelled. He and Ryan made their way down to the floor to join up with Jack.

“Thanks, guys,” Jack said. “You saved my--”

“Arghhh!”

The man who had tried to kill Jack lunged for them, but he was too top-heavy and toppled over onto his side, rolling around on the floor uncontrollably.

“Anyone else feel like this whole thing has gotten really silly?” Ryan asked.

“I’d say yes,” Ray said. “But then I think of that one time we spent an entire day trying to shove a bike into a truck onto a dump truck onto a flatbed and then blew the whole thing up with a Cargobob. Multiple times.”

“I told you to never bring that up again,” Geoff said, running up to join them. “I can’t get a clear shot at Lamar, fucking goon is too fast and he’s actually using a real weapon.”

“Well,” Jack said, bending over the fallen drummer. He retrieved the gun that had fallen out of the man’s grip and handed it over to Geoff. “Now so do you.” Geoff checked the clip.

“Only got a few shots left,” he said. “And the two that we took out were empty.”

“That guy over there might have something,” Jack said, indicating the man who had been shot by the gunslinging trapeze artists above them.

“Go check him out,” Geoff said. Jack nodded and ran off to search the fallen man. “Where the fuck are Gavin and Michael?”

They scanned the room, which admittedly was a bit less chaotic now that half of Lamar’s men had been taken out.

“There they are,” Ray said, pointing.

“Shit,” Geoff muttered.

“I’ll go bail them out,” Ray said.

“Take this, then,” Geoff said, handing him the gun. “Don’t fucking waste your bullets.”

“I never do,” Ray said, and hurried off to save his friends’ asses.

 

Gavin and Michael were, in layman’s terms, royally fucked. They had jumped into the fray, chimes swinging and eager for blood. But before they could get to the center of the room where all the commotion was, they found their path blocked by a familiar face.

“I’m going to enjoy killing you,” the tattooed man said, cracking his knuckles menacingly. Gavin backed up quickly and nearly tripped over a crate at his feet. Michael looked from the tattooed man to Gavin’s reaction, and Gavin could tell that he had made the connection.

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Michael said, and launched himself forwards, bringing the metal chime down to strike the tattooed man on the head. The man raised his arm to block the blow, and the metal made a dull _thunk_ sound as it struck his forearm. Michael didn’t let up, switching around to strike at his arms, legs, and chest. The tattooed man blocked them all, grunting softly at each moment of contact. Michael faked a shot to his shoulder and rammed the rod into his gut instead, sending the man stumbling backwards.

“Die, you rat fuck!” Michael yelled, and swung the finishing blow. Just as the chime was about to make bloody contact with the man’s skull, he reached up and grabbed ahold of the chime, wrenching it out of Michael’s hands.

“Shi--” Michael began. Gavin ran forward but was too late to stop the tattooed man from backhanding Michael so hard he was flung against a conveyor belt and struck his head on the ground, hard.

“Michael!” Gavin yelled. Michael groaned but didn’t get up. The tattooed man now advanced on Gavin, Michael’s chime smacking against his open palm like a billy club. Gavin raised his own weapon in defense and the tattooed man struck against it. The resulting chord sent vibrations up Gavin’s arms, making it difficult to maintain his grip on the chime. Gavin swung his metal rod back and forth, but the tattooed man parried him each time. Gavin’s arms felt like jelly, and when the tattooed man delivered a particularly hard blow, he was unable to hold on and the chime fell out of his hands.

“Dammit,” Gavin muttered as his weapon clattered uselessly to the ground. The tattooed man advanced slowly, grinning widely.

“Killing you is going to be the best part of my week,” he said. “They’re going to give me a medal for wiping your pathetic, antagonizing ass of the face of the planet.”

Gavin had nowhere to go. He stretched his arms over his face, waiting for the finishing blow.

And then the tattooed man just, stopped. He halted suddenly in his advance and stood there for a moment, the metal chime still raised above his head, his expression frozen on his face. Gavin watched, incredulous, as the tattooed man collapsed to the ground, revealing Ray standing behind him, gun extended.

“X-Ray to the rescue,” he said.

“Nice shot, Ray,” Gavin said. Ray saluted and checked around to make sure no one else was coming after them. Gavin hurried over to where Michael still lay sprawled on the ground.

“Michael? Can you hear me, boi? Michael!”

Michael groaned loudly and slowly opened his eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Gavin, bring it down a few decibels.”

Gavin sighed with relief and flashed Ray the thumbs up. He helped Michael to his feet. Michael wasn’t seriously injured but he wasn’t about to go charging back into the fight either.

“Son of a _bitch_. Feels like my brain is gonna explode out of my head,” Michael moaned, clutching the back of his head where he’d hit it against the floor.

“There’s only two more guys left, plus Lamar,” Ray said. He hurried over to help Michael stand, supporting him with his shoulder. Gavin bent down and relieved the dead man of his gun.

“Where are the gents?” he asked. Ray gestured to the other side of the room. Gavin looked and saw that Geoff, Jack, and Ryan were engaged in a melee brawl with Lamar and his two remaining henchmen. Ray was busy checking the back of Michael’s head for blood, which is why he didn’t see what Gavin did.

Jack had been knocked to the ground, leaving Geoff and Ryan squaring off against Lamar and another man. But Jack’s adversary was now free to target someone else, and Gavin watched in horror as he snuck around behind Geoff with what appeared to be a crowbar, preparing to strike the original Achievement Hunter down. Gavin didn’t stop to think about the likelihood of making this shot, of accidentally hitting Ryan instead. He quickly raised his arm, took hasty aim, and fired.

Geoff’s would-be attacker dropped to the ground. Geoff and Ryan kept on fighting, neither of them realizing how bad things had almost gotten.

“Yes!” Gavin cheered, looking around him. “Did _anyone_ see that?”

“Gavin, quit dragging your ass, we’ve gotta go!” Michael shouted, wincing.

“I just made the greatest shot of my entire life! Did neither of you see it?”

“I’m sure it was great,” Ray said. “Now let’s get going.”

“But, but,” Gavin looked at his friends’ retreating backs as they headed over to join up with the rest of the gang. “Ahh, _bollocks_!”


	12. All The Best Finales Explode

In the past few hours, Geoff had been shot at, beaten, blasted, and nearly blown up. The only reason he hadn’t managed to drop this Lamar bitch yet was because he was so goddamn fucking tired.

That had to be it, Geoff assured himself as Lamar landed a punch that made the left side of his jaw tingle sharply. Off to his right, Ryan was still working on his own target. Jack had fallen somewhere behind him but apparently so had his adversary--Geoff nearly tripped over the man while sidestepping another blow from Lamar. Both of Geoff and Ryan’s opponents had lost their weapons in the fight. Geoff knew they had to be lying on the ground somewhere, but couldn’t afford to take his eyes off Lamar to look for them. Caleb and Kerry were too high up to get a decent shot in without hitting either him or Ryan, and Ray had gone off to rescue the damsels-in-distress. So one of the biggest, most epic battles in their entire lives had come down to a goddamn fist-fight.

Geoff tried to get in a shot at Lamar’s windpipe by lashing out at his neck, but the other man was too fast and dodged out of the way, countering with a blow to Geoff’s stomach. Fortunately, there wasn’t much bite behind it, and Geoff managed to stay upright, wheezing only slightly, in time to keep Lamar’s fists away from his head.

They’d never exactly practiced disciplined fighting over the years. Sure the Achievement Hunters would get into fights every ten seconds, usually with each other, but beyond taking random swings at your opponent, Geoff really had no technique when it came to fistfights. Lamar, on the other hand, had clearly never been in a position in which he was forced to actually physically fight someone, so while he tended to land more blows than Geoff did, his hits didn’t have much strength behind them. Geoff knew that if he could just fucking hit the guy, he would be able to knock Lamar out.

But the red-headed gangster was much faster and more agile than Geoff had been even in his prime, and slowly but surely, he was wearing Geoff down. Geoff went for the cheap shot and aimed a kick at Lamar’s lower zone, but once again the man ducked out of the way and countered with a roundhouse kick that knocked Geoff off of his feet.

Geoff hit the ground, his right elbow taking the brunt of the fall and causing a sharp pain to shoot up his entire arm. But now that he was level with the floor, Geoff could finally see the one thing that would mean victory in this fight. Lamar’s gun was poking out from between two crates, just a few feet from his head.

Acting quickly, Geoff spun his legs around, catching Lamar by the ankles and sending him toppling to the ground. Geoff lunged for the gun but Lamar recovered quickly, throwing himself onto Geoff and weighing him down. Geoff grunted and tried to shake him off but the other man had a death grip on Geoff’s legs. The gun was still at least three feet away, so Geoff twisted around and starting wailing on Lamar’s head and shoulders. Lamar moved to defend himself from the barrage of blows but the instant his grip loosened Geoff brought up his knees and clocked Lamar in the chin and kicked him away. Dazed, Lamar fell backwards onto the floor while Geoff crawled the extra few feet towards his prize. As he straightened up to get Lamar in his sights, Geoff was vaguely aware that Ryan had defeated his own adversary and was running back to check on Jack.

Lamar looked up to see himself staring down the barrel of his own gun. His eyes darted right and left, looking for potential escape routes, Geoff assumed. He waited patiently for Lamar to come to the inevitable conclusion.

“Fuck me,” Lamar said softly.

“Believe me, I’m about to,” Geoff said. “This bullet’s gonna enter your head so fast it’ll be over before you can scream out my name.”

“Before you off me, answer one thing.”

Geoff paused. Might as well, he had won this fight.

“Why Free? Why the kid?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why would you keep that dumb-ass idiot around? Why would you risk your lives trying to get him back? What makes him so special?”

“Let me tell you a little secret, Carrot Top,” Geoff said. “The reason my guys are still alive while your men are decomposing into fertilizer is because I don’t treat mine like employees. They don’t clock in, work a 9-to-5, and pick up a paycheck at the end of the week. We argue, get on each others’ nerves, and fucking have fun. We’re a family. A really fucked-up family, but a family who watches out for each other and fucks up anyone who tries to hurt one of our own.”

Geoff pressed Lamar’s gun against the man’s temple.

“So don’t ever fuck with the Achievement Hunter Crew. Because we will take you down.”

Geoff pulled the trigger and Lamar crumpled to the ground. Geoff wiped off some of the splatter from his face and looked down at the body.

“Besides, we’re _all_ idiots. Except me. I’m a fucking genius. Obviously.”

 

“Geoff!” Gavin ran over, immensely relieved to see that Geoff was alright, although he’d be more black and blue than not in the morning. Behind him, Ray was helping Michael cross the room. Although Michael had insisted he was fine, one too many dizzy spells forced Ray to aid him as a temporary crutch. To Gavin’s right, Ryan was helping Jack to his feet. The larger man was limping a little but seemed otherwise uninjured. Gavin looked down at the body of Lamar at his feet.

“Serves you right, you dumb bastard!” Gavin yelled, kicking the corpse a little. “No one messes with the Achievement Hunters!”

“Damn straight,” Geoff said. “Now I need to go back home and replace my blood with alcohol so I can forget all the agony you idiots put me through today.”

“But Geoff,” Ryan said, smiling, “what happened to what you were saying about us being a family who watches out for each other?”

“What was that, Geoff?” Michael asked.

“Nothing. Ryan’s telling lies,” Geoff said, ignoring the others’ snickers. He looked over to the center of the room and Gavin followed his gaze to see that Kerry and Caleb had finally landed on the ground.

“Thanks for the fucking backup,” Geoff said grumpily. “How was the view from all the way up there?”

“Hey, we took out, like, four guys,” Kerry said. “Maybe. Definitely at least one. You try aiming properly when you’re swinging around on a rope.”

“To be fair, Geoff,” Michael said. “They did provide us with a very helpful diversion.”

“Yeah, I would have been bloody done for if they hadn’t shown up,” Gavin said.

“Don’t mention it, Gavin,” Kerry said. Caleb, quiet as ever, merely smiled.

Now that there was no one left to worry about, the Achievement Hunters could take their time getting out of there. They still couldn’t land the Cargobob in the room, so whoever was piloting kept the craft hovering above the hole in the roof while Kerry and Caleb attached the crew to their harnesses one by one and hauled them up. Michael and Jack went up first, followed by Ray and Ryan, and then Gavin and Geoff. Once they were all safely onboard, Kerry and Caleb re-hooked themselves in and were lifted off the ground. Gavin peeked into the cockpit to see who was at the stick.

“Hey look, Michael! It’s your brother!”

Kdin flipped Gavin off from the pilot’s seat while Michael, who was recounting to Lindsay how absolutely fucking incredible her entrance had been, ignored him completely.

“Lindsay, we’re ready take off,” Kdin said once Kerry and Caleb were onboard. Lindsay nodded and pulled away from Michael.

“Attention, ladies and bitches,” she said. “The pilot has requested that you all take your seats unless you want to fall out of the plane and die. This will be a non-stop flight to the Achievement Hunter base--”

“S’cuse me, Miss,” Michael called out. “Will there be refreshments served on this flight?”

“Just a small serving of shut-the-fuck-up-while-I’m-talking.”

Michael laughed while everyone else oohh’ed him.

“We know you had absolutely zero other options, but thank you nonetheless for choosing Team Thug airlines.”

Lindsay took her own seat in the co-pilot’s chair as Kdin lifted them up and into the air. They cleared the building and were flying back over the main field when something exploded in the air right next to them.

“Fucking now what?” Geoff said. They all peered out the small windows and saw that the remaining tank had started firing at them.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Michael groaned.

“There’s still a guy in there?” Ryan cried. “Why didn’t anyone take him out?”

“When?” Geoff yelled. “Between the fucking bus crash or fucking getting captured or the fucking musical melee we all just went through?”

Another explosion, this time slightly in front of them.

“I can fly up out of its range,” Kdin said. “This thing is heavy, but I should be able to put enough distance between us and the tank.”

“Hang on,” Geoff said, looking down at the ground. “Lindsay, do you still have that rocket launcher?”

“Yeah.”

“Get and give it to Ray. We need our best shooter on this.”

“What are you thinking, Geoff?” Gavin said. Geoff pointed out the window. Gavin looked down and saw the crashed school bus lying on its side.

“Ray, can you hit the bus from here?” Geoff said.

“Probably,” Ray answered, taking the rocket launcher from Lindsay. “Why?”

“We’ve got enough ammo and sticky bombs down there to take out that tank,” Geoff said. “Remember our rule, boys. No witnesses.”

“Are you sure?” Kdin asked from up front. “This seems unnecessarily risky when I can just fly us out of harm’s way.”

“Yeah,” Michael said. “But explosions look so much cooler.”

Caleb and Kerry pulled open the Cargobob’s door. Ray, safely attached to a harness, leaned out and aimed Lindsay’s rocket launcher down at the fallen school bus. Gavin watched through the window as the tank maneuvered the barrel of its gun to aim directly at them. Kdin couldn’t evade it because he had to keep the aircraft steady for Ray. It all came down to who shot first. Fortunately, Ray never needed long to pin down his target.

The kickback from the rocket launcher made him wobble but Caleb made sure Ray remained inside the Cargobob. Together, they all watched as the rocket shot straight down and collided with the rear of the school bus.

The explosion was enormous. Fire and smoke shot fifty feet in the air as everything they had brought with them detonated. The tank, which had been chasing them, was blasted straight into the air, its front treads shredded and the gun barrel spiraling off in the opposite direction.

“BOOSH!” Michael yelled as the tank hit the ground with a thud that they could hear from all the way up in the air. Gavin grinned and whooped with the rest of them as Kdin steered them into the clouds on a direct route back to the city.

“That was fucking incredible!” Michael said. “Nice shot, Ray.”

“Did we have some fireworks in there, too?” Jack asked.

“That explosion does look rather colorful,” Ryan said.

“Happy New Year, everybody,” Ray said, climbing back into his seat.

“And God bless us, everyone,” Gavin said, grinning widely at his own joke. The others stared at him for a solid six seconds before before Geoff broke the exasperated silence.

“Let’s send him back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes this fic! I hope you guys had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. I loved this foray into AH fanfic, and definitely plan on writing more in the future (next up is an ambitious little Minecraft AU I've been planning out for some time now, hopefully I can get started on that soon).
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who has left a comment, kudos, or has taken the time to read this story. It means a lot to me.
> 
> Until next time, folks. Happy reading!


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